


Rivers

by n_anon



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Eventual Sex, F/M, Gen, M/M, Space Husbands, mindmelds, otp, whyaretheysuchidiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:52:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7667464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n_anon/pseuds/n_anon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tale of two people averse to the concept of destiny, but who can't seem to escape it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a getting together fic. There will be multiple leaps in time over the first 5 year mission. Since it was written a while back it won't be consistent with Beyond or the previous reboot movie. It starts right after the events of the first Reboot. I loved Star trek Beyond so i might just stuff it in here somewhere. I have mostly finished this fic and am in the process of bribing my muse into writing the sex scene. god, help me.

**Part 1**

 

Contrary to popular belief, Jim Kirk quite liked being alone.  Not as much as he liked being around people, but still, the luxury of hearing yourself breath on a ship that was home to more than 400 people was a rare one. Especially since he was Captain of said ship.

Captain.

Kirk allowed himself a smirk as he stared out into the stars. Who would have believed it? An image of his grinning mother came to mind and his smirk widened into a smile. Well, except for his  mom. Though he doubted even she ever imagined that he could have done it at the age of twenty six. Hell, when he had told his mother he was leaving Iowa she hadn’t even  been on Earth. He could still remember the slight widening of her eyes through the screen and then the slow acceptance in them, almost resignation ,as she listened to him speak. She had tried to not look afraid, Jim remembered; The lines around her eyes had deepened for a fraction of a second. Then they had smoothened out, the hardness returning as she warned him playfully not to burn down the Academy.

Jim felt his smile drop at the memory, knowing how painful it must have been for her to see him join Starfleet.  He remembered asking her when he was  young how she could even bare looking at him when he looked so much like his father. She had hugged him then, almost suffocating him in her bosom, whispering in his ears the words he would never forget in his life. _Oh, Jim, it does hurt_ , she had said quietly, _but without you, I would have lost him_ forever. _I love you Jimmy, don’t you ever forget that_.  Her tears had made his hair damp and he had clutched at her, embarrassed at how much he needed her reassurance, even at thirteen.

He frowned when he heard an echo of a giggle and then two Ensigns , Roberts and James, if he remembered correctly, entered the observation deck, hanging off each other in an intimate , if not a little drunk, embrace. He turned as they caught sight of him, a little too late.

“ Captain!” Roberts said, letting go of James’s hip instantly. He still had a little cockiness in his stance but Kirk forgave it. He knew it took a  while to get used to a new Captain, especially one your own age. So he grinned,

“At ease guys. I was just leaving.”

“No!” James’ blurted, her hands twisting around her the hem of her skirt. “ I mean, we’ll leave, Sir. We didn’t mean to intrude.”

But Jim was already moving towards the door, disappointed that he would have to go to his quarters, but not willing to deprive a couple of some alone time. Just because he wasn’t getting any didn’t mean the rest of the crew should suffer. It had been three months after all.

He waved the two goodbye. “I thought I said at ease,” he teased, making  sure to give a grin to Ensign James that made her blush right up to her ears.  Okay so sue him, just because he was Captain didn’t mean he couldn’t torture his crew a little. They _were_ his, after all.

“O –of course Sir. Thank you...”

Jim nodded at Roberts ,who made eye contact with difficulty  and then turned to leave, the hiss of the observatory deck door closing behind making him sigh.

 _Now_ what.  

It was relatively late, but Gamma shift would be up and about . The affronted looks they gave him whenever he _dared_ , he gave a mental eye roll, to supervise them more than twice a week was more than enough to discourage him, but he was tempted to anyway. He was their Captain and he could go wherever he liked, to hell with Bones’ psycho mumbo jumbo about Gamma shift personnel’s tendency to have persecutory complexes. _There_ is _a reason why they are assigned Gamma shift you know,_ the doctor's voice broke into his mental dialogue. _They feel secure when they aren’t too many people around._  Jim pooh poohed in his head.  He would make sure all those shy Gamma shifters were all healthy functioning  beings if it was the last thing he did. It was his duty as Captain, wasn’t it?

He entered the turbo lift, hands behind his back and made sure to fix an innocent expression on his face as the lift doors opened.

“Captain.”

Jim stopped in his tracks, his smile freezing as he caught site of the familiar blue near the science isle.

“Mr. Spock ,” he acknowledged, feeling his smile inch off his face. Spock only had gamma shift on Thursday and Saturday didn’t he? He ran a nervous hand through his hair, nodding to the officers on the bridge, who looked decidedly un-enthusiastic about their Captain’s presence.  

“ I was not aware that you had assigned yourself to Gamma shift today, ” Spock said, and Jim wondered whether he was imagining the  faint note of disapproval in his voice. He could be on Gamma shift whenever he liked, thank you very much.

“I was doing my rounds,” he answered as casually as he could. He flicked his eyes towards the navigation console, where the two officers shared a look. Why did they seem so tense?  Shouldn’t they be glad that he was saving them from Spock?

“Of course,” his First Officer said serenely, nodding his head and turning back to his work.  Jim had an urge to do something just so Spock wouldn’t ignore him like that, but checked himself before he said anything stupid.  It wasn’t like he and Spock were fast friends or anything. Sure, they worked well together,  really well.  But Spock always kept his distance off the bridge and Jim was professional enough to respect that. He wouldn’t want to spend his free time with his superior officer if he had a hot girl friend like Uhura, either.

No matter what older, nicer, warmer, awesome-er Spock had said.

Jim sunk into his chair, feeling a familiar heaviness settle over him. Older Spock. That meld of his had fucked with his head more than he had liked. While he could deal with the memories of the old man’s life and sort them out in his brain in a clinical fashion that even his Spock would be proud of, it was the lingering emotion that clung to every moment of the flashback that made Jim squirm.  Not in a bad way, he had to admit. The fierce love and faith that had poured into him the moment those fingers touched his face had been overwhelming, humbling even;  But  unfortunately for Older Spock, it had also made him very, very curious.  

To feel that kind of intense emotion from a complete stranger had been an...interesting...experience.  Made more interesting by the tinge of lust Jim had seen in those crinkled eyes. The look had vanished in a swirl of fondness a second later, but Jim had seen it; Had seen it a hundred times in a hundred different pairs of eyes . Coupled with the intensity of the meld,  he had started to suspect that Older Spock might have been carrying the biggest torch ever known to humanoids for his other self.

_Or maybe it was mutual?_

Huh. Jim closed his eyes, trying to recall a memory that might confirm his suspicion but all he got were the brief flashes of events that lead up to Nero.

_So why did he still feel like he was missing something?_

It was the texture of the emotion that  remained, Jim realised, that intrigued him. It was grainy like sandpaper, but also pleasurable, like sandpaper relieving an itch-

“Captain.”

“What is it, Spock.” Jim didn’t open his eyes, content in his speculation.

“Alpha shift begins in exactly 4.2 hours.”

“I’ve read the schedule,” Jim said.  Why couldn’t this Spock have the endless faith in him Awesome Spock had?

“I was merely suggesting that both of us retire to our quarters  so that we are at our optimum efficiency levels for the next shift.”

Jim opened one eye, taking in the site of his first officer gazing expressionlessly down at him. Somehow Spock’s thinly veiled attempt to mother hen  him off the bridge was irritating. He bet Awesome  Spock never tried to second guess _his_ Jim.  

“My efficiency levels-” Jim paused, fixing both eyes on his First Officer now, “-will not be affected by  sacrificing a few hours of sleep.”

Spock tilted his head. “If by few ,you mean no less than 24 hours of sacrificed sleep in the last week, then I am forced  to disagree with you, Captain.”

Jim widened his eyes, quickly glancing at the two lieutenants at the navigation console who looked away quickly, but not quick enough for Jim to miss the guilty look on their faces. Damn them, what gave them the right to tattle tale to Spock?

“I’ll manage,” he ground out.

“Captain-” Spock started, exasperation quirking the side of his lips just a bit.

“All right, all right.” Jim said, waving his hand in a gesture for Spock to stop. “I’ll go.”

Spock nodded, waiting for Jim to stand up before following a few steps behind.

“At ease,” Jim mumbled over his shoulder as he entered the turbo lift, promising to have a word about discretion with those two lieutenants.

The door shut behind him and Jim turned, watching as Spock requested, no, definitely ordered the lift to deck 5.  He wondered briefly whether Spock was mad at him for being promoted to Captain. He himself would have been, he admitted. Especially if a smart mouthed cadet whom he didn’t like in the first place was promoted over his head.

Maybe, Jim thought, leaning against the wall, _that_ was why Spock didn’t want to hang out after work. He grimaced when the sentence formed itself in his head.  Pull yourself together James Kirk.  Spock isn’t hanging out with you because he has a _girlfriend,_ an amazing one, and he has his little science experiments down in the science dungeon which keep him very busy. _Well, he isn’t busy right now, is he?_ The rebellious voice in his argued. Was there a _reason_ why Spock was ignoring him like he was a particularly uninteresting drop of water?

 _You’ll just have to find someone else to hang out with Jimmy_ , he told himself.  Bones was good company, wasn’t he? He snorted, yeah, when both of them were _drunk._

“Deck Five,” the lift monotoned.

Jim pushed himself off the wall,  and was only two feet out of the lift when he heard Spock wish him quiet,

“Good night, Captain.”

Jim turned.

 _Spock wasn’t following him_.

The unease that followed made his stomach clench. He forced himself to nod a reply to Spock , feeling stupid as the lift doors whooshed closed on his face, but not before he heard Spock  order the lift to Deck 6.

 _Deck 6_.

Where the junior officer's quarters were.

Oh.

Jim blinked, not prepared for the wave of loneliness that seeped into him, turning the earlier unease into nausea. _Enough._ He curled his fingers into a fist _._ He was Captain now. He had no business pining over  the fact that he had no friends. Hell, that wasn’t even true. It was just the fact that _Spock_ wasn’t his friend that bothered him. There, he said it. It _bothered_ him.  It felt wrong in a way that he couldn’t even begin to explain. Like waking up exhausted to find that the previous day had just been an elaborate dream.

He sighed. Maybe it was time for bed after all.

 

**End Part one**

 

 


	2. Part 2.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two is going to be split into two. :D

**Part two.**

 

**One year later :**

 

“Happy Anniversary, Bones.”

The Doctor grinned. “One year, Jim. We made it. One whole year.”

Kirk smiled, happy to be part of one of Bones’ better moods. “And it was all thanks to you, of course,” he replied, lifting his feet to rest on the small coffee table between them. 

He saw Mc Coy’s eyes flick down to his pair of dirty boots, even more pleased when the Doctor chose not to comment.  

“Damn straight it was! Number of times you and your fool hardy crew landed yourself half dead, it’s a miracle so many of you are still left.”

Jim raised the brandy glass to his lips, “A bit vain aren’t you, Bones?”

“Well you know what they say about Doctors and God complexes.”

Kirk snorted into his drink, “You sure are in a good mood today.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Mc Coy said, “After this little trip to New Vulcan, it’s back to Earth for some much needed rest and relaxation, isn’t it?”

Kirk downed his drink, “Yup. I can’t wait.”

His friend regarded him with a raised eyebrow, “Might do you some good to sound more enthused about a vacation, Jimmy.”

Kirk poured himself another drink, tempted to throw the doctor off with a dazzling smile but decided it wasn’t worth it.  “Am I that easy to read?”

“Nope, just to me. And maybe Spock... sometimes.” 

Kirk took a sip, “Only when I’m yelling at him.”

“Is that what you really think?”

“It’s true, ” he insisted.

McCoy sighed, reaching for his  fourth  glass of brandy, “You expect too much out of him.”

“I do not,” Jim defended.

“Captain,” Bones gave him a lopsided grin, “You can’t expect him to know you like I do.”

_ What if I told you I have good reason to expect just that?,  _ he thought to himself. 

“You’ve known him, for  what? A year now?” The doctor drawled .“You already trust each other with your lives, saved each other’s even, and you work perfectly well together on the bridge . Apart from a few air bumps here and there.” He chuckled to himself and Jim considered taking away the bottle of brandy just to be mean. It wasn’t like Bones could fight back in his drunken state. Speaking of which, he grabbed the bottle and poured himself another few fingers of brandy. 

“He’s the best First Officer on the fleet.  He even does your paper work. I don’t know why you always seem so disappointed when you talk about him.”

“Because-” Kirk stopped himself, not liking the familiar unease that fluttered inside him. What  _ should  _ he say to Bones?  _ I sound disappointed because I  _ am _ disappointed _ .  _ Me and Spock are supposed to be Bff’s, so compatible that I think other me and awesome Spock might just have been fucking each other. _ So sue him for wanting even a smidgeon of the epic friendship he had been promised.  He gulped down the rest of his drink, needing a second to think of an saner sounding answer. “- _ Because,”  _  he continued, appreciating the warm burn of the alcohol as it settled in his stomach, “Spock always looks disappointed when he looks at  _ me.  _ It’s only fair. _ ” _

Right, maybe he should have taken his time with the drink. McCoy scrutinised him over his glass, smirking. “I would say he seems more pissed off than disappointed.”

Kirk groaned, crossing his feet at the ankle and almost toppling the brandy bottle on the table.“ Let’s not talk about Spock, please. It’s giving me a headache.” Which was not a lie, it really was beginning to give him one. 

“Wow,” Bones said, sounding bemused. “You two have some serious issues for people who don’t even talk to each other outside office hours.”

Kirk winced. “That’s exactly the problem, Bonesy,” he murmured into the rim of his tumbler. 

Luckily for him, Bones was too drunk to hear him, so he smiled and changed the subject.

“You’re meeting Jo on Earth, right? Whatcha planning to do?” 

Bones gave him a grin that stretched out to both sides of his face and Kirk settled into his chair, glad that he had distracted the Doctor from two unpleasant topics. 

“You think you can derail me that easy, Captain?”

“Obviously,” he grumbled, raking a hand through his hair.

“Why aren’t you more excited about,” Bones hiccupped, “ ‘Scuse me, going home?”

Kirk blinked, glad of the alcohol buzzing through his veins. It made the next sentence easier to say.

“No one’s there. Mom’s off planet, Sam’s off planet...there’s only Frank.”

Bones was silent, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Kirk said. He really didn’t like the heavy silence that had settled over them. He knew what Bones was thinking. That maybe he should invite Jim over to spend the holiday with him and Joanna , but Jim could never say yes to that. Especially since Bones - however much of a best friend he was - was a father first. A father who hadn’t seen his baby girl in over a year and a half.  Jim knew that Bones would still think of inviting him, then realize that he just wanted it to be him and Joanna, decide not to invite Jim and then feel guilty about it. It was guilt and pity, Jim thought while pouring his best friend another drink, that he did not want. 

“Don’t be like that.” He gave the Doctor his trademark smirk, “I have a few travel plans, you know. I’m thinking Brazil. Have you seen the chicks in that place?”

“I’m too old for things like that,”  Bones complained.

Kirk laughed, relieved that the doctor had taken his peace offering, “No such thing.”

“Let me hear you say that when you have kids.”

He laughed again, “Kids? Seriously?” 

The older man did his best to frown at him, “You never know. You could turn out to be the domestic type... Captain.”

There was a pregnant pause before they both burst out laughing, Bones choking on his brandy and in the process falling out of his chair. This only served to make Jim laugh harder.

There was a pained groan from the other side of the coffee table, “ A little help would be appreciated.”

Jim stifled his chuckles, trying to concentrate through the buzz in his head. 

“Yeah,” he said, standing up, surprised when the room swayed a little. Woah, that must have been some good quality brandy - or he had drunk more than he should have.

“Whassa matter?” Bones muttered, still lying on the floor.

“Nothing,” he said. With a little manhandling and lots of curses later,  Jim finally managed to half drag, mostly carry , the older man to his quarters which were luckily right next to med bay. He thanked the engineers who thought that putting the CMO right next to his/her medbay was a good idea. Yes, it isolated the doctor from the rest of the senior officers, but it did save lives. 

Jim leaned on the wall next to Bones’ bed, catching his breath. Damn, he might not be as drunk as the doctor was, but two more drinks and he would have been. Jim felt an aching tenderness for  his CMO as he tucked him in. The doctor was his best friend, the first person he had let in, really in, since Tarsus and he had sworn to himself a long time ago he would die before he let anything happen to this man.

He let Bones keep the illusion of being top dog, though. It kept the doctor happy and amused Jim as well.  Smiling, he pushed off the wall, tempted to just pass out in Bones’ bed. The last time he had done that Bones had woken up to a horny James Kirk humping him in his sleep.  Since then he had made explicit rules about never having a drunk or stoned Jim sleeping next to him.

Sniggering, he walked to the door, concentrating on each step so he wouldn’t bump into anything.  He was aware that even if his vision wasn’t doing the drunk spins, the corridor floor wasn’t supposed to sway as it much it was.  He caught site of a night shift nurse walking towards him so he leaned against the wall for support and gave her a short nod as she passed. He waited before she had disappeared around the corner before pushing himself off the wall.

He grinned.  Now that there was no one in sight, walking in a straight line didn’t matter much anymore. He chuckled and allowed himself to relax. This had been a good night. No crisis, just good company and some good alcohol. Just the way he liked it.  The prospect of not having to get up for alpha shift tomorrow was welcoming and even though he hated his days off, he had to admit that waking up at 6 in the morning every day  _ sucked _ .  

Not to mention he had New Vulcan to look forward too. Sure, going back to the planet of an almost extinct species was a sombre occasion, he could understand that, but there was no way he could stop the bubble of excitement at the thought of meeting older Spock again. The Enterprise was even scheduled to stay there for an entire week to help with some civil engineering work.  _ One whole week. _ It was like Christmas come early. Jim hummed to himself,  finally someone  he could actually  _ talk  _ to.  He could say whatever he liked, be weak, be stupid, be drunk, be smart, be  _ anything _ and he knew Spock would still look at him like he was the most  brilliant being alive. To have someone be so - absolute-  was addictive to say the least, and Jim Kirk thought he deserved a little spoiling. Especially after this last year.  

_ Hmm... maybe he could tell him why his own Spock was such a stick in the - _

“OOF!” Jim collided with something hard and blue and he tottered backwards, arms cart wheeling to gain some measure of balance. He almost didn’t fall, suspended in air for a whole moment, before he remembered he was drunk . Then the world tilted and he was falling, hitting the floor with a thud that would have hurt if there wasn’t so much alcohol in his blood. He laughed, enjoying the cool temperature of the tile beneath him. Hmm, he thought, the ceiling had quite a few spots on it. Wasn’t the ceiling also part of the cleaning itinerary? He counted one, two three....  _ five  _ black smudges, and that was just in his vicinity. No,  _ six, seven - _

“Captain?”

A blur of a familiar face  obstructed his view and not even the dour expression of his First Officer could ruin his mood.

“Spock!” he grinned.  “I was just thinking about you. Well not  _ you _ , but the better you. ” 

A tilt of the head. 

Jim grinned, “Never mind.”

“As you wish, Captain.”

There was a silence where Jim contemplated getting up, but realised he would probably end up making a fool of himself in front of Spock in the attempt.  So he stayed on the ground, trying not to feel like an idiot as Spock stared down at him.

“Do you need assistance, Captain?”

“No.”  

“Are you quite sure?”

“Yeah.” 

“I do not-”

“ _ Commander _ . I’m fine.” His First Officer straightened and Jim swore he could see him frown before he squared his shoulders and nodded at him. Okay, so he hadn’t meant to snap; But he hated being weak in front of Spock.  It gave him stomach cramps worse than any feelings of guilt that arose by occasionally being mean to him. Spock didn’t always see it his way, Jim knew. Especially since he was now walking away, shoulders stiffer than usual.  

Jim sighed. Great. Now Spock was mad at him. He rolled over to his stomach and pushed himself to his knees. Ha, the floor wasn’t spinning that bad. He staggered to his feet,  arm reaching for the wall to regain his balance. 

Only there was no wall, there was only air. 

“Shit,” he cursed as he found himself falling forward. This was going to  _ hurt _ – 

“Captain.” 

Jim found himself suspended a foot above the floor in a decidedly awkward position. His face and upper body were uncomfortably close to the ground, while his right arm braced for impact. His knees barely skimmed the floor, giving him no support whatsoever. It was, he decided, a very strange feeling of limbo being caught in a half horizontal position by someone gripping your left arm. 

“Spock,” he managed. He tried not to wince at the bruising hold his First Officer had him in. The sneaky bastard had only pretended to leave! 

“Do you require assistance?” Spock asked, not really waiting for an answer before hauling him to his feet one handed. Jim was caught between trying to hide his grudging respect for the show of strength and his grimace. Spock was being rough on purpose and both of them knew it. Passive aggressive bastard, Jim thought.  

“Not any more. I’m fine now.” Jim blamed the brandy for how close to sulking he sounded.

“I see.” Spock could clearly not see because even though the grip had loosened, he was not letting go. 

“I can walk, you know.”

Spock blinked and then removed his hand, “As you wish, Captain.”

“Jim,” he reminded.  

A heartbeat, then, “Are you able to reach your quarters or do you need me to accompany you, Captain?” 

Jim wanted to be annoyed at the deliberate ‘Captain,’ but he couldn’t be. Not when  in his head it actually sounded like Spock had asked  to walk him home. He chuckled aloud, 

“Oh Spock, how chivalrous of you.”

Spock stared at him. 

“Never mind,” Jim grinned and started for his quarters, gesturing to the Vulcan to follow him. It wasn’t everyday that Spock volunteered to spend time alone with him . No way was he passing up this opportunity. They walked in silence. Jim humming a tune, Spock walking a few inches behind saying nothing, as usual. 

“Do you need me to accompany you inside?” his ever efficient second in command asked when they reached his quarters.

Jim couldn’t help but smirk, wondering whether the other man knew how that sounded to a drunk James T Kirk. Probably not. 

“I’m fine, Spock.”

“May I remind you  that those were your exact words before you collapsed onto the ground a few moments ago, Captain. ”

Jim leaned against the wall and studied the Vulcan’s expressionless face, wondering whether he should be annoyed or flattered by the not so subtle teasing .Yes, Spock was doing it to be one up on him. Probably in retaliation for last month when Jim had pushed him out of the way of a nasty spear,  but in moments like these Jim liked to believe that his First Officer was actually  _ fond  _ of him. 

“Do  _ you  _ want to come in?” he smirked, unable to resist the temptation . Never mind about Uhura, he was drunk; Bullying Spock by flirting with him was allowed. 

Jim was rewarded with a flash of emotion, of recognition and surprise, before Spock’s features flattened and closed. He also leaned back an inch, like he was suddenly aware of their proximity ; Jim, leaning against the wall,  hips thrust forward at an angle just shy of being lewd. Spock, inches away, hands behind his back looking like he wanted nothing more than to run. Jim let his smirk widen. There were very few people in this galaxy who could intimidate a Vulcan, let alone Spock and oh, how he enjoyed being one of them. Round one may have gone to Spock with his pretending to leave but really not, but round two was  _ so _ Jim’s.  

“My wish is of no concern, Captain.”

Jim tilted his head in a deliberate imitation of the Vulcan. Huh. That was weird. Shouldn’t Spock have gotten all pissy and said something about immature Captains right about now? 

Puzzled that his ploy hadn’t worked, Jim straightened and pushed himself from the wall. He was inches away from the Vulcan now and even through his drunken haze could feel the heat radiating off the other man. Wow, he thought. Spock was _hot._ He chuckled at the double meaning and put his palm to his First officers chest, right where a human heart would be. Spock stiffened underneath his hand until Jim was sure he could snap the man in two if he pushed hard enough, but he didn’t care. God, when was the last time he had just _touched_ someone like this.  

Sure, he touched the crew. Supporting smacks on the shoulder, handshakes but he always had to keep his distance. Always professional ,never intimate. Whether it was the gentle curl of Sam’s fingers, Lila’s warm body cocooned inside his on Tarsus or even the welcoming arms of the line of women(and men) he had slept with. Jim Kirk needed to feel  _ connected _ , even if it was with a different person every night . It didn’t  _ have _ to be sexual, Bones was proof of that. It was just that he had found that sex was the funnest and least complicated way. 

_And now he had given up even that._ He was too new and too inexperienced to risk sleeping with a diplomat. He felt bad that he had to depend so much on Bones; The man had his own problems. So why couldn’t Spock just cooperate and become his best friend like he was supposed to. He leaned into the warm chest, breathing in. 

“What is your  _ wish  _ then, Mr Spock?” Jim murmured into the blue uniform.  His first officer felt like a furnace but also a mixture of fear, confusion and anger. Jim didn’t know how he knew, but he did. Maybe it was that mind meld thing that the other Spock did. Maybe that’s why he could read this one so well-

“Please remove yourself from my person, Captain.”

The bite in the words made Jim jerk away and fall back to supporting himself on the wall. SHIT _. Vulcans are telepaths, you idiot _ !  Spock would have seen some of his thoughts, but more as a jumble rather than a clear idea. Which was infinitely worse because it left a large room for misunderstanding.  _ Oh god _ . Suppose he thought that Jim wanted to have sex with him? He looked into glowering dark eyes and winced. Was he going to be sued for sexual harassment now? Had whatever respect he had earned this past year from Spock just dissipated because of one stupid drunken act?  _ Shit _ . 

“I – I didn’t mean – I’m sorry.” 

Spock didn’t answer, just took a step backward. “Good night, Captain.”

Jim couldn’t help the twisting knot of hurt in his chest.  Why couldn’t Spock  _ understand.  _ He hadn’t meant it in a sexual way at all. Sure, who wouldn’t be curious as to what it was like to sleep with a Vulcan, but he just wanted Spock to... _ like _ him. And god damn himself for sounding so pathetic. 

_ Fuck _ , he thought as he stalked into his room and flung himself onto the bed. Thank god he was meeting Older Spock tomorrow.

 

**


	3. Part 2.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Vulcan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter. What can I say, I love to listen to these people talk! Also my spelling swings between British English and American English depending on my tolerance to the red squiggly lines.

 

**Part 2 (two)**

 

New Vulcan was hot. Jim understood that Vulcans’ were a desert bred species but 40 degrees celsius after the ship’s comfortable 25 felt like a furnace even with thermal regulators. 

Especially in his dress uniform. 

He raised his hand to adjust his collar but  stopped when he saw Bones doing the same thing , pulling on his collar like he would like nothing better than to rip it off.  Spock was watching the Doctor with well disguised exasperation but Jim could see it, tugging at the corner of those eyebrows. After last night’s fiasco, of which Spock was pretending to have no memory of - thank god - no way was he going to have that look directed at him. He let his hand fall to his side and settled on craning his neck to relieve some of the discomfort. 

He surveyed the rest of his team, who were doing a marvelous job of looking like they could be standing in perfect spring weather. Scotty was chatting with Uhura, while Larson, the xenocultural head and Kapur,  the senior most civil engineer were engrossed in a conversation about the psychology behind Vulcan architecture.

The perfect picture of competence and professionalism, Jim thought proudly. He glanced back at Spock who was now watching Uhura speak to Scotty with his hands clasped behind his back. Jim felt a strange ache in his chest at that expression and suddenly he was back to that day one year ago, watching hopelessly as the turbo lift’s door shut on his face –

_ Enough _ , he told himself,  _ you made enough of a fool of yourself last night _ .  He forced his eyes away, feeling like a voyeur for catching that expression on Spock’s face. He looked to his right, the direction from where the Vulcan delegation was supposed to arrive. They were slated to meet them at one in the afternoon but Jim had decided to beam down 5 minutes early so they would be waiting for the Vulcans and not the other way around. He hoped the gesture would not go unnoticed.  He turned to the Doctor on his left, who had managed to loosen the gold collar by a centimeter. 

“Bones,  you better not be doing that when the Vulcan’s arrive.”

The doctor scowled at him. “I’m going to get a heat stroke at this rate. Why did I have to come anyway? It’s just a stupid dinner  and our company is going to be even worse! I could think of a million other ways to spend a Friday night other than have a stuffy dinner with a bunch of those boring ,pointy eared-”

“Doctor McCoy,” Jim interrupted with a smile,  not wanting the junior officers to know that he was about to scold the CMO, “I don’t want to hear that kind of language from you again.”

The older man pursed his lips as Jim shrugged, “at least till we’re back on the ship, okay Bones?”

“Fine, but did we have to wear dress uniforms?”

“Dress uniforms communicate to the council members that we hold them in the esteem that they deserve,” Spock cut in.

McCoy scowled at Spock, “No one was talking to you.”

“I could not help but overhear, Doctor,” and Jim could swear Spock was giving Bones a smug smile as he very pointedly rubbed in the fact that he had heard Jim before. 

Bones went red in the face and Jim interrupted,

“Guys, enough. This weather isn’t helping my mood, so just quit it.”

Both pairs of eyes turned to him, surprised.  Well, at least Bones’ was. The doctor pinned him with a suspicious squint but when Jim refused to be cowed and glared back, he returned to tugging on his collar, grumbling something about kid captains and temper tantrums.  

Satisfied, he turned to  his First Officer who  had now gone back to watching Uhura. Jim couldn’t help but smile at what he had come to recognise as a very Vulcan display of affection. Spock stood a few feet away from her and Scotty, making no effort to take part in the conversation but just listening in from an unobtrusive distance. Usually Spock didn’t even bother standing close to a group of talking officers. He preferred to go off with his nose stuck in his tricorder, ever the efficient Science Officer - but not with Uhura. 

As if Spock could sense his gaze, the Vulcan suddenly turned his head, meeting Jim’s stare with his own bland one. Jim looked away quickly, a flush creeping up his neck, very aware that his eyes may have given away more than he had intended to. He was now hundred percent sure that Spock thought that he had some creepy crush on him. Thankfully the Vulcan didn’t call him on it, just pointed out serenely that the delegation had arrived. 

Jim whirred around,  excitement sparking at the distant swirl of dust that signalled the arrival of the Vulcan motorcade. He motioned for everybody to get to his side and straightened his uniform, grinning as the three hover cars came to a gentle stop a meter away. He knew that this away team was probably suspicious at how enthusiastic he was about a sombre conference with an almost extinct species, but he couldn’t help it. He was finally going to see Awesome Spock after a  _ year _ . The thought made his grin widen till his cheeks hurt. Oh happy days- 

“Captain,” Uhura muttered, “a little less smile please. You’ll probably scandalise them.” 

Jim had an unfair desire to tell her to shove it, but he relented, closing his eyes to reign in his smile. Uhura was right; He couldn’t afford to seem too happy right now. 

“Noted, Lieutenant.”

Uhura just nodded,  taking her usual place after Bones on his left, waiting patiently as the five Vulcan delegates walked up to them. Jim recognised older Spock immediately and it took a physical effort not to run up and gather the old man in a bear hug. Instead, his eyes rested on the T’Kina; The tall, severe old lady that was the senior most in the group, according to Uhura’s brief. He spread his fingers in the traditional Ta’al.

“We come to serve, Council Member T’Kina.”

T’Kina, regal in her robes and wrinkles gave him an answering Ta’al.

“Your service honours us, Captain Kirk of Starfleet.”

He bowed and introduced his team to her and the rest of the Vulcans, making sure to use each Vulcan’s name and rank while doing so. He couldn’t help but throw a blinding smile at Awesome Spock when he finally reached him, thrilled when he was gifted with an amused twitch of lips. 

“Captain Kirk,” T’Kina said and Jim tore his eyes away from older Spock. “Let us return to the settlement.” She spoke slowly like she was carefully pronouncing each consonant . 

“Of course, Ma’am,” he nodded. He eyed his crew, “Uhura, you’re with Spock. Bones, Kapur, that car and Larson, you’re with me.” 

Lieutenant Larson blushed a pretty red at being selected by the Captain and hurried to follow him and T’kina into the sleekest and longest hover car.  It was then that the elderSpock intervened. 

“Elder T’Kina, if I may request that Captain Kirk travel with me?”

Jim couldn’t help the rush of warmth that followed the question. Somewhere in his head a dramatic rendition of  _ he likes me, he really likes me!  _ was making it hard to control a grin.  

T’Kina, ever the perfect Vulcan, seemed indifferent. “Acceptable.”

The Ambassador cocked an eyebrow at him and Jim coughed to cover his smile,

“Spock, you can ride with Elder T’kina.”

Spock nodded, looking between the Ambassador and him with a raised eyebrow before following Uhura into the lead car. 

“You aren’t going to get into trouble for that, are you?” Jim asked, once comfortably seated in the limo.  

Older Spock, sitting opposite, gave him a tiny smile. “I am too influential and too old to ‘get into trouble’ with anyone anymore, Captain. ” 

Jim laughed, but then reigned in his smile when he noticed Larson looking between the two of them in wide eyed curiosity .

He decided to deflect the unwanted attention and said, “I hear there’s going to be a huge betazoid contingent today at lunch. Are you excited Larson? I was told you haven’t been exposed to the species before.”

The truth was that Jim too had just met one betazoid before.  And boy, had she done a number on him. Maritake had picked him up at a bar when he was 17 and he had fallen hopelessly in love in exactly one minute. That one week had been some of the best seven days in his entire life. Yes, it had taken three times longer than a week to get over her, but – a flash of her smile and heat –  _ oh yeah _ , it had been worth it. A hundred times over.  

Larson perked up, “Yes,sir. I hear the inventor of the Psi blocker is going to be present too.”

The Ambassador inclined his head , “She is. Vulcans owe much to her and her race. The psychic damage inflicted by the destruction of our planet would have destroyed many more if not for them.”

“ I hear that adults are using the Psi blockers too?”  Jim said.

“Some are. Those who are living with the severely traumatised are being given use of the device. However it is still the children who are given priority.”

Jim voiced something that had bothering him for a while. “Won’t blocking their telepathic abilities at this stage affect their development?”

The Ambassador sighed, or at least Jim  _ felt  _ he had. It was uncanny how easy it was to read this Spock. “Our Elders feared the same consequence. However it is better to have children with late or weaker telepathic development rather than severe trauma.” 

Larson winced, “Wow, I’m kinda glad im psi null.”

Jim grinned, “Believe me Larson,  compared to telepaths, psi null species are the most boring of them all.”

The Ambassador gave him a raised eyebrow like he knew exactly what Jim was talking about, and Jim gave him a conspiratory wink. 

The effect it had on the old man was instantaneous.  He went stock still, like an animal sensing danger. It was almost as if the Vulcan was focussing on something  internal; Something painful. Jim wanted to ask Spock whether he was okay but Larson interrupted him, oblivious to the older man’s reaction. Why was it only Jim who could tell that he had done something wrong? 

He frowned, hardly paying attention to what the Lieutenant was saying in an effort to catch the Ambassadors eye. But Spock refused to cooperate by fixing all his attention on Larson. The rest of the journey was spent  trying to get Spock to look at him so he could apologise – Jim still didn’t know for what – but the older man had frozen him out _.  _  Confused, Jim didn’t have time to analyse the ugly throb of abandonment he felt before the car slowed down, the doors opened and he was being escorted, green carpets and several t’aals later, into the conference hall. 

***

It was only forty five minutes later that Jim was able to escape from various dignitaries, Ambassadors and Counsellors. He was at the end of the expansive buffet table, hidden from view by a serene group of Betazoids’  who were in a hushed conversation.  Now that no one was looking he adjusted his collar, still uncomfortable in it. He scanned the crowd for Bones but soon gave up. The doctor had stayed with him for a total of five minutes before deserting him . He had no patience for the kind of smiling and bull shitting a Captain had to do. 

What he  _ was _ a little hurt about was that the Ambassador had disappeared too . After replaying what had happened in the car a dozen times in his head, he finally understood why the old man had gone all Vulcan on him. He had seen that pained, weary look before . He was surprised at himself for not recognizing it before. After all, he was used to seeing it on his mother’s face ; The haunted, bitter sweet expression that Jim was the sole cause of. The worst part was that he completely understood.  If he were Spock, he definitely would not want to hang around a ghost of a long dead best friend.   

He grabbed a glass of champagne from a waiter and took a long gulp. Great, now that he had to avoid the Ambassador because he was obviously triggering painful memories, next week was going to consist of him catching up on some very stimulating paperwork. 

_ But then why  had the old man bothered sitting with him in the car at all? _

It was official. All kind of Spocks’ were capable of giving him a headache. He sipped his drink, feeling justified in his  misery. 

“Captain.”

He turned  to see Uhura looking up at him and his eyes automatically flicked to her left, half expecting to see Spock there. He refused to acknowledge he was disappointed to see she was alone. 

“What’s up,” he offered after finishing his glass of champagne. 

“Permission to beam back to the ship, sir.”

Surprised but hiding it, he tilted his head. “Why.”

Uhura shrugged. “I’ve mingled, done my job. There’s nothing left for me to do.”

Jim looked her over; the slight furrow of her eyebrows, the unwillingness to meet his eyes and dear god, the shuffling of feet. His communications officer was upset.  _ Very _ upset if she was not even trying to hide it. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning.

“Nothing, Captain.”

Kirk sighed, “C’mon, spill it. Since when do you not like-” he gestured to the conference hall, “these things?”

Uhura pursed her lips, “Permission to beam back to the ship, Sir.”

Jim would have said yes if Uhura had just cooperated and told him what was wrong. He really would have, but she didn’t . So he grabbed another glass of champagne and said, “Sorry, Lieutenant. I was given explicit orders that we were to stay here until the end.”

If Uhura really wanted to leave, she was going to have tell him why. 

She stepped closer to him and he leaned down to hear her better.

 “Personal reasons,” she whispered finally. 

Jim let his surprise show in his face. Uhura and Spock were two of the most professional officers he had met in his life. Hell, sometimes Jim thought it would be nice to see some affection between the both of them . For her to be even  _ considering  _  leaving an official function for personal reasons meant something bad had happened.

“What did Spock do?” he asked, because it had to be Spock. And no, he wasn’t biased because he had just been left high and dry by one version of the Vulcan.

Uhura flushed and Jim gave her a tiny smile. 

“He didn’t do anything. Absolutely  _ nothing _ .” She said the last word with particular vehemence.

“And I suppose that’s the problem?” Jim asked.

Uhura looked up at him, embarrassed.

“I hate it when you do that. Am I that obvious?” she muttered.

He smiled and passed her his remaining drink. “Hey, not everyone is as brilliant as I am, you know . Now what exactly did Spock not do?”

She sighed and drained the glass, “You know that T’Pau is Spock’s grandmother, right?”

Jim nodded, he’d read up on Spock’s file. 

“She’s spent the last hour trying to convince Spock to take a new bondmate and-”

“Wait a minute, new?” 

Uhura nodded, snagging two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and giving Jim one.

“Vulcans are ...sort of ... betrothed as children until they come of age.” Seeing her Captain’s shocked expression she quickly continued. “ It wasn’t a big deal to Spock. He said that it hadn’t been his choice and it wasn’t’ exactly a marriage. Plus he hadn’t seen this T’pring woman for 15 years or spoken to her either. He was just expected to marry her when he comes of age, which he said was  _ years  _ away.  He said it was totally okay if I didn’t want to start anything knowing this but I-” she broke off to take a gulp of alcohol.

“ I decided to go through with it anyway. I mean, I was 24 for god’s sake. It’s not like I wanted anything permanent. Who in their right mind would pass off an opportunity to date someone like Spock?” Her eyes were large, pleading him to understand.

“I know,” Jim said. He really did empathise.  

“But  _ now _ . Now it’s different.”

“Because T’pring is dea- I mean, no longer in the picture.”

Uhura nodded, looking at her feet. “Yeah. His family wants him to get bonded again - to a Vulcan. They said it right in front of me. ”

Jim winced. That had got to hurt. 

“And Spock said  _ nothing _ . I was right there. All he had to say was that he would consider it at a later time. I’m not even asking him to tell his family about us... Just anything to acknowledge what we have together  _ means  _ something-”

A betazoid in the group in front turned to look at them curiously and Uhura flushed a brighter red. 

“I – I’m sorry Captain. I didn’t mean to-”

Jim put a hand on her shoulder , “Don’t sweat it. It’s perfectly normal to be upset about something like this.”

“But in public...” Uhura trailed off, visibly gathering her remaining reserves of strength. 

“Lieutenant,” Jim said gently, “Look, why don’t you go back to the ship.”

“No. I’m fine. I’m  just a little confused, that’s all.”

Jim nodded, “Maybe you should talk to Spock.”

She shook her head, the ends of her ponytail swishing almost hypnotically behind her. “I think I need to figure out what I want before I ask anything of Spock...”

Jim downed his drink, “You are waaaay too mature to be part of my crew, Lieutenant.”

Uhura smirked at him, “Well, someone has to take care you.”

He gave her a sly smile, “You’re welcome to any time.”

She rolled her eyes, “and deprive doctor McCoy of the pleasure?”

“Spoil sport,” he said. It wasn’t fair to bring up Bones when he was trying to make sexual innuendo.

Uhura just gave him her most charming smile. Dammit, that wasn’t fair either! He waved her away,

“You can still beam back if you want.”

“Thank you, Captain, but I’m going to stay.”

Kirk resisted the urge to say ‘atta girl’ because she would probably slap him for being patronising, so he shrugged.

“ If you see Bones, tell him he isn’t allowed to leave without my permission.”  That was his punishment for leaving him all alone. 

Uhura nodded before disappearing into the crowd. He sighed, wondering what exactly was going to happen to her and Spock.  It couldn’t be easy dealing with a bunch of Vulcans trying to get your boyfriend married off, made especially harder since said boyfriend was Spock . He frowned, wondering why Spock hadn’t defended their relationship. Did Spock  _ want  _ to marry a Vulcan and have perfect Vulcan babies? Was he planning to leave the Enterprise, leave  _ him?  _ The thought made him queasy. 

“Captain Kirk.”

Jim was pulled from his thoughts by a betazoid, who had splintered from the group in front. The tall, dark haired man raised his palm in the traditional Betazoid greeting and Jim touched it with his own, relishing the tingle of contact from wrist to tip of his middle finger.

“And you are?”

“Minister Kanase Yan of the Betazoid Healer Council.”

“Nice to meet you, Minister Yan,” he said. “What can I do for you?”

The man  smiled again, his green eyes shining in the typical betazoid gleam that reminded Jim of a hungry cat. “I merely wish for your company, Captain. I have heard a lot about you.”

Jim interest piqued. A Betazoid asking for his ‘company’? Oh hell yes.  _ Thank you, universe.  _

“Have you?” he asked, grinning. “Not all bad, I hope.” 

Yan took a step closer, allowing Jim a better view of what was a  _ very  _ well defined chest underneath those fitting white robes. 

“I find the stories most... enticing, Captain.”

Jim blinked, enjoying the attention, even if the come on was a little too blatant for his tastes. He knew that it was a betazoid trait to be extremely straightforward when they wanted sex, so he simply leaned against the table, sipping his champagne.   

“ Any story in particular?” he asked, locking eyes with the other man. 

The minister sidled closer, brushing an imaginary fleck of dust off Jim’s shoulder.  He tried to not seem to thrilled with the situation. It couldn’t be good manners to be touching so openly  but none of the Betazoid contingent seemed to care. 

“Maybe I could tell you in... private?” the other man suggested.

Jim felt the beginnings of arousal low in his stomach when Yan almost purred the last word.  

“I can’t leave for another hour,” he apologised.  _ Oh how he hated being Captain sometimes _ . 

What he wouldn’t do to spend a few hours alone with this being.  How long had it been since he had even slept with a man? Hell, it had been months  since he had slept with  _ anybody _ . Unfortunately, he couldn’t abandon the conference when he had just ordered the rest of his team to stay till the end. Dammnit.  

Yan didn’t step back but there was almost a pout in his words as he said, “Understandable, Captain.”

Jim was mesmerised by those too pink lips, “Why don’t you let me show you around the ship tomorrow?”

The minister visibly perked up and Jim swore if he had ears, they would be standing up at the moment. The image made him smile and Yan touched his arm again. 

“I look forward to it, Captain. I will send your PADD my details.”

Jim nodded, “I hope to see you soon, Counsillor.”

The betazoid flashed him a smile that promised many,  _ many _ things and Jim smirked, nodding the man a polite good bye. It was good to feel like the irresistible sex magnet that he used to be. The last year had almost suffocated that part of him with paper work and responsibility. 

“Jim.”

Jim turned, trying not to frown when he saw who it was. 

“Ambassador, ” he acknowledged. 

Spock’s voice was gentle.  “I have come to apologize for my behaviour earlier in the afternoon.”

Jim swirled the champaign in his glass around, finding it difficult to look the taller man in the eye.  He had been prepared to spend the next week alone and here the old man was again, sounding so sincere and heartbroken . He did not like being given mixed signals. It made him antsy.

“That’s all right. I understand,” he muttered, taking a sip of champagne to hide how uncomfortable he was.

The Ambassador shifted and Jim looked at his shoes. So Spock couldn’t bear that he resembled his other self. So what? Jim was perfectly fine with one or two comms a year. 

“Oh, my old friend,” the Vulcan whispered. “ I have upset you.”

Jim froze, wondering why he wasn’t speaking up and denying the implication of weakness. He forced himself to smile. “Look, it’s no big deal. I get what happened before and I’m sorry if my comms made you think that you’re obliged to spend time with me. It was my mistake.” 

Spock curled his fingers around his elbow in a surprisingly strong grip. “It is I who must apologise, Jim. My control is not what it was. It was never my intention to make you think that your company was anything less than an honour and a pleasure.”

Jim’s eyes widened , “Look, you don’t need to do this. I don’t want- ” he stopped talking, frustrated at how difficult it was to verbalise his feelings. He wished the old man understood what he was trying to say. He didn’t want to be reminded that even his face could be the cause of so much pain. Because really, it must be the mind meld because Jim had no fucking clue why this Spock mattered so much to him. 

The grip on his elbow loosened and slid to his fingers. It sent a involuntary tingle up his arm.  Jim almost flinched in shock.  Jesus, this was not normal. 

“Do you want to dance?” the old man asked, gripping his hand. 

Jim blinked, looking in to the old man’s eyes for the first time since their conversation started. The look of absolute devotion and intensity in them made him falter. Yes, it creeped him out but it also made him a little jealous of the other Jim Kirk.  Because he had no illusions the love in those eyes was meant for him and not Captain ‘kid’ Kirk. 

The corners of those brown eyes crinkled,

“James Kirk is James Kirk, no matter what the universe, ashayam,” the old man murmured. 

Jim flushed, “You’re reading my thoughts.”

“I do not need to. Come. ”

Jim resisted the urge to scowl as he was lead to the dance floor where a few human, betazoid and dear god, were those Vulcan? couples were swaying to the music. He felt quite a few eyes burning a hole through the back of his neck as he was pulled flush against the taller Vulcan.  One warm hand settled low on his back while the other took his wrist in typical Vulcan fashion. He groaned inwardly when he realised that he hadn’t even noticed Elder Spock had taken the lead until they were already moving to the gentle beat. 

He felt a low rumble of amusement from his partner. “ I hope this does not make you uncomfortable.”

“Why would it,” he said stubbornly. 

“It took Jim years to convince me to dance with him,” the old man said, like he hadn’t heard Jim’s reply. 

Jim was silent, eyes focussing on a point on the other man’s shoulders.  

“You are tense,” Elder Spock observed. 

“I – well.  Why exactly are we doing this?”

Jim felt the hair above his ear ruffle as the old man took a breath, “Because-  I want you to know that your presence brings me only pleasure and the sweetest kind of pain-” he paused like he was searching for words, “ - A kind you will not understand now. I’m afraid after all these years...even I fail to comprehend it’s power.” 

Brutal honesty, Jim reflected as he tried to digest the words, was never a pleasant a thing. It ran too deep, too clear ; Its implications like tiny hooks in his skin. He had no idea how to react  appropriately, all it made him want to do was run. 

“So you two were...together.”  _ Way to state the obvious _ ,   _ James T, he berated himself.  _

Spock was silent.

“I see,” Jim whispered. “How did he die?”

“A topic best suited for later, ashayam.”

“Do I want to know what that means?”

“Probably not.”

Jim grinned weakly. It was weird to hear the word ‘probably’ from Spock. He pulled the old man closer .

“My Spock would freak if he found out.”

“Indeed,”  and Jim could tell he was amused.

“I am .. intrigued as to why you are not more surprised yourself.”

Jim couldn’t stop a chuckle, “Firstly, you and your Jim are  _ way _ different from me and my Spock. Second, I suspected from before.”

“The mind meld.”

“Yeah, you left me only impressions though.”

“I apologise for the transference.”

“That’s okay. You couldn’t help it,” Jim teased. 

The lilting Vulcan music changed to something more intimate and Elder Spock pulled away instantly. Jim smiled, “I don’t mind if you want to keep dancing.”

The tips of those ears turned the faintest green and Jim let his smile turn into a smirk. Now that was just so damn  _ cute.  _ He wondered if he could make his Spock do the exact same thing.  

“It is not fair to monopolise your company, Captain,” The Vulcan said, giving him a disapproving eyebrow but Jim just smiled wider. He had a feeling that this Spock was going to be hard pressed to say no to him. He was about to argue when another figure appeared at their side. He turned to find Bones scowling at him.

“Hey there, you come for a dance too?”

The Doctor was unimpressed. “ Can I discuss something with you in private, Captain? It’s, er, important, ” he scowled at Ambassador Spock. 

Jim rolled his eyes. “Can’t it wait?”

“No.” Bones didn’t look like he was going to leave.

Jim raised an eyebrow at his friends behaviour. “All right, Bones. I’m  sorry Ambassador, I’ve got to go. Apparently there are important- ” he gave Bones a look that promised him pain if he there wasn’t anything important _ –  _ “things to do.”

Older Spock bowed his head, serene as ever. “Of course, Jim.”

Jim nodded, letting himself be towed towards the buffet table again. Once they were safely hidden behind the group of Betazoids, Jim turned and looked expectantly at the grumpy doctor.

“What’s so important?”

McCoy folded his arms in front of his chest, “You know who that was, right?”

It was Jim’s turn to look unimpressed. “Since I was the one who told you about him, I’m going to say yes.”

“And you don’t think it’s weird, you two dancing like a god damned couple?”

Jim rolled his eyes, “We were not. It was perfectly platonic. Beings can dance together without it being sexual... _ Doctor.”  _

“I may be imagining things Jim, but  _ that  _ was not platonic. That funny look in his eye when he sees you and his hand was – was - ” Bones was going red in the face.  

“Was what, Bones?” Jim said as he contemplated just how observant his best friend was. Had other people also noticed?

“Look, his hand was almost on your  _ ass, _ ” he whispered the last word.

Jim snorted, “You’re reading too much into it.”

“Jim-”

“Enough,” he said, annoyed. “ The hand on my  _ back _ did not make me uncomfortable, so I don’t see why you should have a problem.”

The doctor glared at him, “Fine, deny it all you want. But I know you aren’t that oblivious . How d’you think  _ our  _ Spock felt watching the both of you?”

Jim narrowed his eyes, “Why would it matter?”

“Spock isn’t as unaffected as you might think.”

“And he isn’t as sensitive as  _ you _ think.

Bones was undeterred. “How would you react if you saw an alternate version of yourself dancing like that with Spock?”

Jim felt his patience thinning. “I would realise that the alternate version of me was  _ not _ me and it had no bearing on my relationship with my Spock.” Okay so he might have been jealous. But Spock was not an illogical human, he was Spock. He didn’t even know that their alternate selves had been space husbands.  

“That’s such a pile of bullshit”

Jim scrutinised his best friend, realising he had to change his tactics if he wanted him off his back. The doctor could be relentless if he wanted information. 

“Okay so you got me. I would care. But Bones, you know me. I even got jealous of that blond bimbo  _ you _ dated for three months. But you’re wrong, because Spock would not react like I would. He wouldn’t care if I was dirty dancing with a Klingon as long as I was safe, let alone bat an eye lid if I was engaged in an purely platonic dance with an older version of himself.   He is much too rational for that, and even if he is a bit weirded out by the whole thing – tough luck. Because its  _ none of his business _ .” 

Kirk meant the last line for Bones and by the way the doctor winced, he had got the message loud and clear. 

“Fine.  Be like that,” the older man grouched, sounding more than a little hurt. Jim sighed, feeling his anger slip away at the kicked puppy vibe Bones was giving him. 

He handed the doctor a drink, “Here.”

Bones scowled at him but took the peace offering, sipping it like a sulking child. Jim couldn’t help but smile fondly. “I wonder what Spock would say if I told him how worried you were about him.”

“You wouldn’t.” 

Jim smirked at him, “Oh. Now why would you assume something like that?”

“You are such a jer-”

The doctor suddenly straightened, eyes focussing on a figure behind Jim. 

“Spock,” Bones grumbled. 

“Captain, Doctor,” Spock acknowledged as he stopped beside Jim. He eyed his First, wondering whether he had spoken to Uhura yet. Nothing on his face indicated that he even knew that his girlfriend was upset. “Have you seen Lieutenant Uhura?” Spock asked.

_ Aha! So he did know _ ! 

“I think she’s with Ambassador Kurtis,” Bones said, “Going over his speech.”

“ D’you want me to comm her? I’m sure Kurtis has enough aides to help him with the speech,” Jim said, maybe a little too enthusiastic. 

Spock turned to him and was silent for a moment. “Lieutenant Uhura has spoken with you,”  He surmised, sounding surprised; Almost like he had expected Uhura to  find a better candidate to confide in.  

“Well- ” Jim started to explain. 

“Something happen between you and Uhura, Spock?” Bones interrupted, looking curiously between them. 

Spock ignored him. “Captain, if I may talk to you in private?”

He hesitated. “Maybe you should talk to her first.” 

Jim knew he had said the wrong thing before the words were out of his mouth. Spock’s eyes flashed something akin to resignation before he nodded once.

“Of course. I apologise for interrupting you, Captain,”  he said, before striding away and not looking back. 

There was a silence where Jim thought that whoever had said that Vulcans have no emotions had obviously not met Spock, considering he’d just gotten the Vulcan version of walking off in a huff. 

Then Bones cleared his throat. “That went well...” he drawled. 

Jim shut his eyes. “Why is he so difficult?” 

“Why didn’t you just talk to him?” the doctor countered, “ The poor hobgoblin probably just wanted advice on how to handle Nyota.”

Jim opened his eyes to glare, “I didn’t want to get in the middle, all right?”

“No one said to get in the middle,” Bones said gently. “If Spock was any other crew member, what would you have done?”

“How is that relevant?”

Bones raised an eyebrow reminiscent of Spock.  Jim looked away. 

“I would have given him tips on how to get her back,” he admitted.

Bones patted his arm, “Exactly. Why treat Spock any different?”

“Because he  _ is _ different,” Jim said before he could help himself. Seeing his best friend’s surprised face he sighed again. “I don’t mean it in the xeno way. It’s just that... have you seen him? He’s smarter than the rest of us, stronger, better. He does half my paper work even though he resents the hell out of me. The crew probably even respect him more. How am I supposed to treat him like anyone else... when he’s  _ not _ .”

Bones blinked, “So you’re saying you have a giant crush on your First Officer.” 

Jim grimaced, “it’s not a crush. ” 

The doctor ignored him, eyes glazing over like he was figuring out a puzzle.  “Now it finally makes sense! Spock probably makes you feel like a warm and fuzzy idiot inside and you hate that , so you’re a defensive idiot instead.  ”

Jim narrowed his eyes. 

“The only thing he makes me  _ feel _ is irritation,” he whispered furiously, trying not to attract the attention of the various people filling their dinner plates next to them.

“Look Jimmy,” Bones said, his tone softening. “I know it sucks to have someone you admire– don’t give me that look – not reciprocate-”

“At all,” Jim interrupted. 

Bones sighed, “-Not reciprocate at all. But Spock has his own issues going on in that head of his. The best you can do  is to stop putting so much pressure on yourself and just make him aware, at every opportunity, that you are available both as Captain and friend.”

“So you’re saying that instead of sulking here, I should go after him,” Jim said, pinching the bridge of nose. He couldn’t believe that the first time Spock had kindasorta asked him for help, he hadn’t even been able to recognise it.

“You got it, kid.”

Jim tilted his head, “When did  _ you _ become a Spock expert?” 

The doctor just smiled at him, an infuriating smile that meant he was hiding something and didn’t care if his Captain knew it. Had Bones been talking to the Vulcan behind his back? He did not like that idea.  _ At all. _

Jim narrowed his eyes, “We’re gonna talk about this later. I’m going to find him.”

Bones grinned at him ,“ Go get him tiger.”

“That phrasing is just plain  _ wrong _ ,” he complained as  Bones waved him away . 

He looked around the hall for Spock and spotted the blue figure in the distance talking to some boring looking scientists. He was about to interrupt when he was stopped by his least favourite person in entire Starfleet.

 “Captain Kirk!” Nogura greeted with his patent sneer. Jim assumed that the Admiral thought he was smiling.  

“Admiral,” Jim said, the diplomatic half smile jumping to his face as he inwardly grimaced. 

“I was just looking for you. Admiral Raine wanted your input on the Romulan weapons build up at the border.” Nogura said, nodding towards a larger group of diplomats to his left. 

“Actually, Sir I-”.

“Good man!” Nogura said, like Jim wasn’t speaking. He grabbed his elbow and steered him towards the crowd. 

Jim suppressed a surge of anger, “Sir, I have important ship busin-”

Nogura sneer-smiled at him . “ Look Kirk, the Vulcans’- for some strange reason- seem to like you more than they like the rest of us. So if I say that your presence is needed, all  _ you _ say is yessir and smile.”

Jim jerked his arm away from the Admiral, seething. Fucking bastard, he thought. If only he could punch that self satisfied smirk right off the old fool’s face.

“Yes sir,” he said, giving the Admiral a cold smile that communicated exactly what he thought of his boss.

“I never said you have to like me, Kirk,” Nogura muttered.  In the next moment,  Jim was being greeted by Vulcan counsel members and Starfleet royalty alike and he fixed a smile on his face, cursing both his luck and Nogura. 

It was only two long hours later that he was alone again, collapsing onto the bed in his quarters in sheer exhaustion.

*

 

He remembered he had had to talk to Spock only three days later, in the middle of the ‘personal tour’ he was giving Minister Yan. However by then, his first and Uhura seemed to have worked things out , so Jim had shrugged and refocused on the task at hand ; Enjoying the way that wicked mouth slowly engulfed his cock.

 

*

**End of part 2.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I don't know what name Spock Prime uses, so I just made one up. If someone knows, please tell me!


	4. Part 3.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A starship is not a high school.

**Part 3**

 

Jim missed Bones. The doctor was off ship for two whole weeks for some stupid medical conference on star base 112. Now that nurse-studying- to –be- a -neurologist Chapel was in charge, Sickbay was off limits. Jim had found out very quickly that his fool proof strategy of Irresistible Seductive Smile did not work on her. 

That meant she was dangerous. 

It also meant that he was currently sitting in the mess, picking on over replicated aubergine and peas for lunch. Usually Bones was sitting with him, and a quick pleading look melted the doctor enough to allow him a cupcake, but when he had asked the mess head for his customary dessert, he was given a nervous shrug and advised to go see Nurse studying to be a neurologist Chapel about it. His Captainly glare might have reduced poor Ensign Mathers to tears, but it did not result in him getting his cupcake. 

Life sucked.

He missed Bones.  

The next one week and three days were going to be  _ boring  _ as - 

“Captain,” said a smooth, smiling voice as another plate was dumped in front of him. Jim continued to scowl at his food as the lithe figure of his communications officer slid into the seat opposite.

“Wow, aren’t you in a good mood,” she commented as her fork speared into a piece of her broccoli. Jim noticed it had a liberal coating of cheese. 

“D’you think I’m fat?”, he asked Uhura.  She paused fork midway to her mouth. 

“No, I don’t.”

“Tell that to Chapel, will you? If I don’t get a steak in the next 24 hours, I’m going to re-assign her to gamma shift.”  Jim wasn’t joking. 

“She’s just following Leonard’s orders.”

“At least  _ Doctor Mccoy- ”  _ he said, letting her know that he hadn’t missed her use of Bones’s first name, “-let me have my cupcakes.”

She let out a huff. “I’ll let her know.”

They ate in silence before a loud laugh from a few tables behind Uhura made them both pause. Jim cleared his throat. “Aren’t you going to join those guys?” he gestured his spoon to where the group of Sulu, Chekov , Spock and some senior officers were eating. 

Uhura sometimes joined Jim and Bones for dinner, but usually ate with the other officers. He was aware that as soon as the Doctor had left, she had made it a point to sit with him whenever he ate in the mess. Not that he wasn’t grateful, it was nice to have some company, but he didn’t want her to be isolated from the rest of the crew. He knew how paranoid people got about the Captain knowing too many intimate details about their lives. Bones was spared because people knew that  doctor- patient confidentiality meant that whatever they told him was kept secret. Uhura didn’t have the same luxury. 

“If I wanted to, don’t you think I would be sitting there?” she replied, a tad annoyed. 

He let some of his own colour his voice. “Did Bones put you up to this? I’m perfectly capable of eating by myself. Just yesterday  I had a stimulating meal in my quar-”

“Captain, I am here because I happen to enjoy your company.”

Jim shrank a little at her glare, made more terrifying by her large eyes.  _ Was that eye shadow regulation _ ? “Right...Can I have your cheesecake?”

“No.” She made sure not to make eye contact. Uhura was not one of those people immune to his all powerful smile, but she knew how to fight it. 

“I can make that an order, you know,” he said, grinning.

She ignored him. “Did you get my report on the distorted frequency I got from Kelabe-II? It could be a satellite error but -” 

Jim allowed himself an indulgent grin as she went on about her report. Yes, he had read it, but he didn’t stop her from speaking. During her and Spock’s break up after their visit to New Vulcan a year ago, she  had come to his quarters  a week later an absolute mess. He had poured her a drink and patted her back and listened as she ranted for almost the entire night. It hadn’t been fun at all, but Jim understood her reluctance to be weak in front of her colleagues. With Spock being second in command, it wasn’t appropriate or shrewd to accuse him of being an idiotic dick in front of any of his subordinates. Which was pretty much everyone – except for Jim. As  Captain, Jim had respected that maturity and had fervently wished that Uhura would rub off on him a little. 

“Are you listening?”

“Of course.” 

She looked sceptical but went on, “So it makes sense that I’m included in the away team.”

Jim had been planning to include her in the away team anyway, but he recognised  a good bargaining opportunity when he saw one. 

“All right. On one condition.”

Uhura looked suspicious, “What’s that?”

“You know that December party idea I floated that no one wanted to organise?” 

Uhura paled and Jim smiled at her sweetly. “You’re the new committee head! Congratulations. I look forward to your recommendations next week.”

“Why can’t you let the junior officers do it. They’re enthusiastic enough,” Uhura complained.

“Because the senior officers on this ship need to set an example. If one of you had just volunteered I wouldn’t have to do this,” Jim explained, thinking he was being quite reasonable. 

“I have an extremely important paper I’m writing-” Uhura started.

“Yeah, well. Sacrifices have to made.”

Uhura rolled her eyes. “I suppose as Captain you have no time to help?”

“I’m going to sign off on it, aren’t I?” he said with a smirk. 

Uhura didn’t look impressed.

“All right. I’ll do it,” she conceded. “Do I have your permission to rope someone else in?”

“Not Spock,” Jim said, “He does enough already.”

Uhura’s lips curled into a smirk that rivalled his own. “If only he knew how much you cared.”

Jim refused to react to her taunt, instead he changed the subject.“Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to sit over there with the  _ cool kids _ ? ” he waved his aubergine at the table in front to illustrate his point. His action was a bit too exaggerated because suddenly Spock looked up from the conversation he was having with Checkov and stared at him. Jim froze for a second as those dark eyes bored into him. Smiling sheepishly at his first officer, he put his fork down.

“What?”Uhura asked him.

“I think Spock heard us,” he whispered.

“You mean he heard you.”

“Same difference.”

Uhura grinned at him. “I can’t believe you called those bunch of nerds the cool kids.”

“It’s a starship, Lieutenant. The nerdier you are, the more popular you get. ”

“What does that make you?”

“The jock,” he retorted.

Uhura laughed and finished her last piece of broccoli. “Thanks for keeping me company, Captain. I should go back to the bridge.”

“No problem,” he muttered, very aware that it was Uhura who had done him a favour by sitting with him.  He watched his Communications Officer sashay out of the mess,  amused at the several pair of eyes that were glued to her as she exited.  Compared to the sight of Nyota’s  retreating back, his food  paled in comparison.  Kirk sighed.  Half his meal  qualified as dinner, didn’t it?

He was contemplating how to trash his food when  suddenly a tall, blue- clad figure towered over him.

Surprised and not bothering to hide it, he looked up at his First. “Can I help you, Commander?”

“Permission to join you, Captain.”

“ Erm, sure,” he said, hiding his confusion. In the entire two years they had been serving on the Enterprise, not once had Spock eaten a meal with him alone. Inexplicable, since they were the two most senior officers on the ship and had lots of things to talk about, but true none the less. They were alone plenty of times in conference halls and such, but never just to ... share a meal.  

Jim had tried in the beginning. It seemed so long ago; Those days when he was full of excitement and hope about his future BFF. After being turned down more than a dozen times, however, he hadn’t bothered with more invites. He did have his pride.

The Vulcan tilted his head and folded into the seat Uhura had just vacated, setting his plate down on the table. While Uhura’s had clattered, Spock’s didn’t make a sound. 

“I was under the impression that you were taking your meals with Commander Scott in the Doctor’s absence.”

Jim frowned. Why did everyone think he spent all his free time with Bones? He was quite used to enjoying his own company. Heck, he ate half of his  meals alone either doing paper work or catching up on his reading. 

“Nope, only Mondays. He gets nervous if I hover too much. He doesn’t know I’ve already found out about the distillery,” he joked. 

Spock raised an eyebrow, “Indeed. Can I ask you a question?”

Jim nodded, “Go ahead.”

“You get along with the crew.”

“That’s not a question but yeah, ‘course. ”

“Then why do you not join them in meals on a regular basis? I have observed that you do so only twice in seven standard days, even when your other option is dining alone.”

Jim stopped playing with his food, which had now become a horrible brown mash, to look at Spock properly. His first was calm and composed, but there was this slight downward twitch to his lips which Jim had learned to  read as either ‘this problem is illogical’ or ‘this is curious, but disturbing.’ 

“Okay, let me ask you a question,” Jim said, watching Spock dip his head in acquiescence.

“How often do you eat with the kids, excluding  Uhura?” he asked. “Around once or twice a week right?”

Spock looked unhappy at the word ‘kids’ but nodded anyway. 

“Why not more often?”

“I am Vulcan.”

Jim folded his arms across his chest, “Elaborate please, Mr. Spock.”

“Vulcan’s have no need of extended social contact with peers or colleagues to maintain optimum mental health. I do not see how this has any connection to my original question, Captain.”

“Uh huh. So just like your DNA prevents you from making extended social contact, my rank as Captain prevents me from doing the same.”

“Are you saying that if you had a choice, you would prefer to sit with your subordinates?”

Jim nodded, “Yup,  in a second. They weren’t my subordinates two years ago; some of them were even my seniors.  But on the ship, I’m the boss, and no matter how liberal I am, no one’s going to be totally themselves around me. Well... except for Bones, and Uhura to an extent.” 

If Jim didn’t know any better he swore his First’s eyes softened, just a tiny bit. The realisation made him beam, and Spock’s eyebrow twitched. 

“So, did you come all the way here to ask me that question?” 

Spock paused, as if mentally debating whether to say something. Then his lips pursed a little and Jim assumed he had made his decision. “It is appropriate for a First Officer to take meals with his Captain when time permits,” Spock said. 

“We do eat together,” Jim reminded him. 

“That is correct. However, it has come to my attention that we have never shared a meal for recreational purposes in the last 721 days that we have served together. Statistically, unless one of us has made conscious or unconscious efforts to prevent this occurrence, the chances of that occurring are close to 0.037 percent. ” 

Jim didn’t reply immediately. It took a few seconds to decode what exactly Spock was saying to him. His First seemed to sense his reaction because he looked away, face tight in unease. Both of them knew that it wasn’t Jim who’d made the conscious or subconscious - jeez, Spock- effort to avoid the other. Eidetic memory aside, the dozen invitations to dine/spar/ swim/drink that Jim had extended a long time ago, that both of them had decided never to acknowledge, were suddenly out in the open. It took an effort to not squirm in his seat.  

Sure, Jim had taken the rejection with an easy grin and an indifferent shrug, but it was still awkward to have it acknowledged publicly that he had  _ tried so hard _ . The admission that Spock  _ had  _ been purposely avoiding him made his gut clench in hurt, and a masochistic satisfaction of proving himself right enveloped him. So Spock  _ did _ hate him. Huh. Was it messed up that he still found himself feeling bad for the Vulcan?  After all, it wasn’t very 'logical' to purposely avoid someone.  

Ignoring the throb of disappointment low in his stomach, he cleared his throat, trying to ease the tension that had settled over them. 

“That’s all right,” he offered,  “Being first officer and science officer isn't easy, even for a Vulcan. I doubt you have lots of free time.” 

Spock’s gaze was intense as he scrutinised him and Kirk gave him a tiny smile, refusing to look away. 

“Indeed, however I must impress upon the fact that I meant no disrespect for your person, Captain.”

Jim’s first instinct was deny hotly that he cared at all. But he squashed it, feeling a strange, cold, calm envelope him.

He remembered Nogura’s words to him a year before. “You don’t need to like me to be able to do your job, Commander,” he found himself saying. 

Spock stared at him.  “That is not what I meant, Captain.”

Jim leaned back into his chair, frowning at the ceiling, before transferring his frown to the deceptively placid face before him. “Then what do you mean, Mr. Spock? I’m okay with going back to pretending that I never did try to be friends, but you brought it up, so I think I’m within my rights to ask for the truth. If it’s because of what happened with Nero-” both of them paused as they remembered the violent confrontation that they’d had, “ then I understand if you find it uncomfortable - and no I don’t believe that Vulcans don’t feel uncomfortable-  to want to be anything other than colleagues . But if it’s something else, something I can do-” Jim broke off, knowing he’d said too much. He still hated himself for that time outside his quarters, where he had nearly assaulted his First Officer with his neediness.

The only saving grace was that Spock seemed as tense as he was. The Vulcan’s fingers were curled around his fork like he was gaining strength from it. “I - I apologize for my behaviour, Captain.” The dark brown gaze was fixed at a point behind his shoulder. “However unpleasant the Nero mission was, you were not the cause of it or to blame. In fact, I am aware that it was Ambassador Selek who advised you on your actions. It would be illogical to feel any negative emotions concerning that.”

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose, “Spock, I was an asshole. It’s perfectly normal to be bitter about it.”

“And I nearly killed you, Captain. We are, as they say, ‘even’.” 

Jim looked up in surprise, wondering if his First had just cracked a joke.  

“ Logically,” Spock continued like he hadn’t just made an attempt at morbid humour, “since my digression was worse, I did expect some degree of hostility from you. In this expectation, I may have intentionally made sure that any personal-,” Jim winced,  “ interactions were kept to a minimum to avoid any further confrontations.  It was - is - my mistake to not have realised that my reticence would be interpreted as,” he swallowed, “rejection. It was never my intention to make you feel purposely excluded or ostracized as a result.”

“Purposely excluded or ostracised...” Jim repeated blankly. He wondered if he had been transported to an alternate reality, because it seemed like Spock had just apologised to him for being a dick, admitted it was his fault,and had accepted that he felt  _ bad  _ about it. Not that he was complaining, but what the hell had brought this on? He couldn’t remember  a time that Spock had sincerely  _ apologised  _ to him, let alone admitting to care about Jim’s emotional well being. The tiny hopeful part of him from two years ago raised it’s head, almost gleeful.  _ So Spock doesn’t hate me?  _

“I overheard certain snippets of your conversation with Lieutenant Uhura,” Spock explained, like he could read Jim’s mind. 

“That’s not very polite,” Jim snapped, aware that his temper was covering for the fact that he was embarrassed.  

Spock was unphased by his reaction, “I agree. However I consider it my duty as a first officer to redress-”

Jim held out his hand to stop Spock from continuing. This conversation was getting a bit bizarre. What exactly had set his First officer off? They’d had plenty of arguments, Jim had lost count of how many, that his First had been perfectly content not to apologise about. Hell, he’d even been unbearably snarky about it. So Jim tried to recall the exact moment Spock had looked at him during his conversation with Uhura.  He’d made a dig about her sitting with the  _ cool kids _ . That couldn’t possibly be  the reason - could it?

He studied Spock, taking in the minute frown on his face and the tell tale sign of guilt as he let go of the fork and clutched it again. Jim suddenly remembered a conversation he’d had with Uhura six months ago. They’d just finished a mission where Spock had had to use his martial arts expertise to bring down an animal that had attacked them. Jim had jokingly commented that no one would have dared mess with him when he was younger, if he could fight like that. Uhura had nudged him with her elbow, whispering that Spock hadn’t had a very smooth time at school; Something to do with his mixed heritage. Jim had fallen silent, but now that piece of information coupled with his First’s strange reaction made sense. 

Spock was apologising because he knew exactly how it felt to feel excluded from the group.   

Jim had a sudden urge to deny it. To escape from those knowing eyes because he couldn’t stand the way that they  _ understood _ .  But he remembered Bones advice –to not let his pride spoil the few times Spock did come to him as a human and not as a rigid Vulcan;  He had reinforce Spock’s empathy, not shut it down. 

Even if the cost was admitting weakness. 

He sighed.“ I suppose I did take your... reluctance a bit personally. But I’m a big boy, I can handle it. ” Jim figured that it said a lot about him that the admission was physically painful. “But hey, we work pretty well together, you know. That wouldn’t be possible if deep, deep, down you didn’t think I was awesome. ” 

He grinned at Spock, whose face was slowly relaxing into its usual  expression of calm. 

“That hypothesis is yet to be tested, Captain.”

Jim chuckled, the earlier unease draining out of him as he recognised he was being teased back. Maybe this Spock had potential  after all. 

“Jim,” he corrected his First officer, for the first time in over a year and a half. He was glad Spock wasn’t bringing up the incident before New Vulcan. He didn’t think they were ready for that. 

Spock looked at a point over his shoulder again. “Jim,” he accepted, hesitant, like the word was an unknown language.

“Not that difficult, eh?”

Spock raised an eyebrow and then promptly went back to eating his meal. Jim’s eyes rested on him for a moment before traveling down, taking in the long elegant neck , the black t shirt that peeked under his sciences blues, the narrow chest that Jim knew (from peeping at the gym) was rock hard with muscle, before halting at the chocolate chip cupcake on his First’s plate. It looked decidedly hedonistic next to the sombre looking vegetables and whatever that dull, transparent soup was. To Jim , it was also a crack in that strong Vulcan facade that Spock liked to project; a vulnerability .  He was surprised by the fierce feeling of protectiveness that engulfed him at the site of his First calmly eating his dinner. Unfortunately for Spock, it also awakened the part of him that liked to push the other man’s buttons. 

“Spock?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Can I have that cupcake?”

The Vulcan looked up, blinking, and Jim projected the most powerful weapon he had at his disposal, which he had strangely not tested on Spock before – the Smile. He stared the other man down, knowing his lips were curling into a knowing smirk as the Vulcan faltered. 

“I – Of course, Captain.”

Jim favoured Spock with another flash of teeth as he bit into the cupcake.

“Thanks.”

Spock nodded, looking down at his plate with a definite frown. Jim preened on the inside. If Spock was not immune to the Smile, he was pretty sure that things were going to get easier from now on. 

***


	5. Part 4.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chess is symbolic.

**Part 4.1**

**One year later :**

 

The only thing that did get easier, it turned out, was getting Spock to spend time with him. His First had mellowed enough to agree to accompany him to his fortnightly visits to the chess club and dinner after – Bones had wondered aloud whether Spock knew that his Captain had never dated anyone for this long and was rewarded with Jim ‘accidentally’ happening upon his illegal whiskey and confiscating it. Other than that, his Vulcan First was as infuriatingly righteous as ever as he pointed out how illogical, Kirk translated that as Spock-speak for stupid, it was for Jim to do various things. Like beam down first to a strange planet, flirt with an ambassador's daughter, flirt with the ambassador, risk his life for an ensign etc.  Spock’s diatribe had almost become comforting, it was that predictable. And predictability meant security, something Kirk was beginning to appreciate on a starship trillions of miles away from home.

“Captain.”

Jim looked up from the chessboard, his mind really not on the game. He was contemplating the mounds of shore leave paperwork he had to approve once this game was over. Jim was tempted to ask Spock to do it, but his First was signed up to go off ship on the second rotation, which was only a few hours away. 

“Hmm?” he offered.

“I am going to checkmate you in precisely three moves.”

“I think I can stretch it to five, if I try.”

“You will still lose,” Spock informed him.

Jim sighed, “What’s the percentage again?”

“65.5 in my favour.”

Jim controlled a scowl. Even though the percentage was quite good considering the amount of times he’d lost when they had first begun to play, he still did hate to lose.  

He moved his knight to force Spock’s bishop away from his king. If he was going to lose, didn’t mean he was going to make it easy.

“ I hear Bones made you take leave.”

Spock’s hand paused a fraction of a second before continuing to move his bishop,

“Check,” he said and Jim rolled his eyes at the effort to needle him for bringing up Bones.

“ Doctor McCoy merely suggested I take advantage of the ship docking at Riga for repairs, after incorrectly assuming that I was not going off ship. However, since the Interplanetary Institute of Relative Physics resides here, I had already decided to visit their laboratory.”

“IIRP has a base here on Riga?” Jim said, surprised and impressed with the scientist who thought that up. How in hell did they get any work done?

Spock’s eyebrow twitched, “Indeed. Some of the best research papers are published out of this laboratory.”

“Oh,” said Jim, moving his king. Struck by sudden insight, he looked up and gave his First a calculated grin. “So are you going just to tour the lab or d’you know someone down there?”

Jim made sure to be looking at Spock when those dark eyes glanced up from the board ; The surprise in them was gratifying. Like he had impressed the other man with his deduction.

“How did  I guess?” he offered, no longer caring that he was losing the chess match. Did Spock have a friend down there? Or some nerdy scientist he had a mind crush on? Oh, the possibilities!

“I have no desire to understand your random leaps of logic.”

Jim chuckled.  “So I was right.”

Spock used his knight to check him again, “One can be right fifty percent of time by pure chance. There need not be any logic behind your conclusion.”

Jim raised an eyebrow of his own at the sudden snark. He was willing to bet that whoever was at the lab was definitely in the mind crush category. Deciding to go easy on his First he said,

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” He moved his king out of the way again.

Spock’s mouth quirked downward a fraction, “There is nothing to conceal.”

“Oh, then who are you hoping to meet?” Checkmate, thought Jim.

Spock contemplated him for a long moment, realising he’d been cornered.  Jim didn’t shy away, returning the gaze with his own appraising one. Finally his First relented, looking down at the board.

“I was hoping to meet Dr. Ketamintel. He is-”

“The one who studies wormhole tech,” Jim completed. “ I read his last paper.”

Spock nodded, moving his bishop. “Yes, he has been on Riga for the past three years. I am fortunate that this shore leave has allowed me to meet him. Check mate, Captain.”

Jim couldn't stop his automatic scowl at the loss .“ Are you going alone? I’m sure some of the kids would be thrilled to meet Ketamintel.”

Spock shifted and Jim tilted his head, waiting for the other man to speak.

“I ...had not thought of asking anyone else.”

The sudden stillness around his First and the shade of reluctance in his statement made Jim hesitate.  He had been about to recommend Spock take Chekhov, but instead he grinned.

“Aw, does the Commander want the Doctor all to himself?”

The flash of irritation and embarrassment that tightened Spock’s features, and the resulting glare bounced off Jim as easily as a paper plane thrown by a child. When was Spock going to learn that Jim _liked_ riling him up. While Bones had called it the pulling pigtails syndrome, Jim thought of it as teasing. He welcomed being teased back, but so far Spock was woefully behind in their verbal sparring. Usually, he was rewarded by glares and maybe a week of being told he was ‘illogical’ seven times more than average.  

“As it is I who have been conversing with Doctor Ketamintel for the past month,” Spock said, tone dry, “ and I who set up the meeting , _I_ deemed it prudent to meet him alone. However, I hope to convince him to hold a seminar for interested personnel when it is convenient to him.”

“I was just kidding Spock. What you do in your personal time is your business.  Though the seminar is a good idea.”

Spock shoulders visibly relaxed and he nodded, “Noted, Captain.”

Jim sighed. Come on, had the punishment started already? ‘Captain’ was worse than ‘illogical.’ “Jim,” he corrected.

A pause, then, “which rotation are you on for shore leave -  Jim?” 

The ‘Jim’ sounded reluctant, but he let it go.  Everything Spock did was deliberate, and saying his name was obviously a peace offering.

“Dunno yet. I have a few reports to make.”

The truth was that shore leave was rarely meant for the Captain. Oh sure, one leave every six months was deemed vital for the well being of the crew and therefore ship efficiency, but the brass had failed to mention that ‘crew’ did not include the Captain. Most shore leaves Jim found himself waving good bye to his officers as they beamed down to take their leave, and then heading to his cabin to either sign off on the hordes of shore leave schedules, or having a look-in at departments he usually neglected – like anthropology or maintenance.

“Are you taking shore leave at all?” Spock asked.

Jim flushed, “Not this time, no.”

Spock blinked at him and then stood up, “Very well. However I must stress upon the fact that shore leave is mandatory for all members of the crew, you included.”

Jim grinned up at him, “I’ll take that under consideration, Mr. Spock. I might just see you down there once I finish up.”

“I look forward to that, sir.”

“Really?” Jim joked.

Spock looked puzzled, “Of course. I value your company... Jim.”

His First’s statement was so sincere and simple that Jim blushed. He laughed, rubbing the back of his head and breaking eye contact.

“Did I say something  humorous?” Spock was staring down at him like he couldn’t understand his Captain’s embarrassment.

Jim widened his eyes, “No!, it’s just that – Well, erm, Thanks. I value your company too, Spock.”

Still looking slightly suspicious, Spock nodded before heading towards the door.

“Good night, Captain.”

Jim waved a goodbye and as soon as the doors shut behind the Vulcan, groaned aloud. Jeez, Did he have to act like a thirteen year old with a crush every time Spock said something nice to him? Still, he thought, smiling a little, it was nice to know his First Officer ‘valued his company’.  

**

“Booooones.”

“Jim, I’m – ah – a little busy down here.” The doctor’s voice filtered through the comm. There was muffled music behind his  voice and Jim guessed his CMO was in a club’s bathroom. He smirked.

“Already?” It was only seven in the evening.

There was a muttered curse, some fumbling, a feminine giggle and then the Doctor’s voice booming out of the comm, much louder than before.

“Goddamit Jim! What is it? This better be an emergency.”

“I don’t have any important work left.”

“And you’re telling me this why?”

“I’m thinking of using this last day of shore leave for myself.”

“Congratulations. Now goodby-”

“Which club are you at?”

McCoy groaned. “If I tell you, will you promise not to try and contact me until tomorrow?”

Jim was actually hoping to have a drink with the doctor, but he decided to allow Bones his alone time.

“I promise,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“It’s this place called Kunitha, downtown. Big green signs, everyone knows it.”

“Thanks, and by the way Bones,”

“What?”

“D’you think your friend is open to a threeso-”

The line clicked dead and Jim grinned as he threw his PADD onto the bunk . Ruffling his closet for some civilian wear, he found his old pair of jeans , a plain white t-shirt Gaila had liked on him and headed for the transporter room. The technician on duty took a moment to recognise him before saluting.

“Have a nice time, Captain.”

Jim nodded, “You too, Sanders.”

One moment he was watching Sanders fiddle with the controls,  breathing in cold, sterile air and the next he was smack in the middle of neon colours, perfume and smoke. A pleasant tingle crawled up his spine as he stepped off the transporter pad and onto the street; It had been a long time since he’d visited a city like this.

A group of scantily clad Andorians winked at him as they passed by and he waved back, taking in the atmosphere of the place. So this was Riga. The lights and the nearly naked beings reminded him of Vegas, but the paved streets and narrow lanes gave the place an almost ancient atmosphere, even decadent. Jim decided that he loved it. Too bad paperwork had eaten his remaining shore leave.

After asking around, he found ‘Kunitha’ easily enough. The loud music and the reek of alcohol and sweat surprised him for a moment. It wasn’t a club Bones would like in normal circumstances. The doctor hated what he called ‘obnoxious’ clubs and preferred the more dignified ones, with the lounge music instead of the base that made the floor vibrate. He was kind of like Spock, in a way, except Spock would never even deign to enter anything resembling a club. Grinning, Jim made his way to the bar, already spotting a few potential partners in the throng of people who were dancing to the music.

He ordered two shots and gulped them down before settling for a whiskey on the rocks. He scanned the dancing crowd  and only a moment later he locked eyes with a short, curvy blonde who had smiled at him before. He let his lips settle into a grin and leaned back into the counter, enjoying the way she  looked him up and down. Twenty seconds  later she was walking up to him, little black dress and all.

“Hello,” she said, dark eyes shining.  He let himself look her over, approving of the ample cleavage and dress that covered just enough to make him want more.

“Hey, I’m Jim,” he said into her ear, bending down to be heard over the music.

“Neta,” she said.

“D’you want a drink?” Jim asked, liking the way she shivered a little when his nose brushed her ear.

“How about we both do shots?”

Jim looked at her in surprise, liking the challenge in her eyes. She was definitely going to be fun.

“Whatever you say,” he said, happy to put a flush on her face. He hadn’t planned on getting drunk, but hey, sometimes a guy just had to go with the flow.

Four shots and some dancing later, Jim let himself be lead away from the crowd, past a corridor full of writhing couples, down a dingy staircase and into pink hallway with doors lining either side. Woah, Jim thought, trying not to stumble as the woman tugged his hand and entered a room on the right. Riga was awesome, Jim concluded as he entered a stylishly furnished room with an antique four poster bed  - and dear god - were those black silk sheets? He turned to the blonde, Neta, who was watching his reaction and giggling.

“Don’t get out much do you?” she asked.

Jim kissed her to prevent any more jokes and only once she was breathless did he pull away and say, “Not anymore, no. Do you do this often?”

“I like coming here . Been awhile since I’ve gotten this lucky,” she admitted.

Jim chuckled and nudged her to the bed, “Well, I hope I live up to your standards.”

Neta laughed, a rich tremor of genuine enjoyment and Jim felt compelled to kiss her again.

“Oh, you already are,” she breathed, falling backwards onto the bed.

Jim admired the view of her spread out underneath him. White skin and pink blush ; he couldn’t wait to be inside her. His arousal throbbed impatiently as she flung her bra over his head. Oh yeah, he had gotten real lucky tonight.  

**

Chapter 4. 2 = Our favourite twosome bump into each other!


	6. 4.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock bump into each other. It goes as well as you'd expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me my mistakes. I have not had this beta-d.

**Part 4.2**

 

An hour later, Jim lay sated and boneless on the bed, the buzz of alcohol in his body making the edges kind of fuzzy. Seeing that Neta was already gathering up her clothes , he frowned.

“Going already?” He had been hoping for an all nighter.

Neta shimmied into her dress before answering, her hips wriggling in a way that made his cock perk up again. He bunched up the covers to hide that he was already half hard, knowing by the brisk, no nonsense movements of the woman that she was getting ready to leave. It had been a while since he had slept with someone like her. Tight and hot and soft in all the right places - Yep, definitely interested again

“I’m afraid so,” she sounded genuinely remorseful, “My husband is waiting for me.”

Jim sat up, eyes widening in surprise.

“Don’t worry,” Neta explained, fixing her hair and smiling down at him kindly. “ He knows all about you.”

“Uhm..” Jim straightened,  erection fading quickly.

“In fact, he wanted to join but I told him no.”

He stared at his lover, perplexed.“He wanted to join?”

“Yes,” she said, now slipping on her heels. “But I told him that I found you first so he should go find himself his own.”

“Ah.. do you do this kind of thing often?” Jim asked, swinging his legs onto the floor. He decided that getting dressed was the only option he had if he didn’t want to left alone and naked on the bed.

“Sometimes. It is beneficial to everyone involved.”

“What do you mean?” Jim asked as he pulled on his t-shirt. He knew lots of people in open relationships, but he wasn't so sure if that's what Neta meant. 

“ For Rigans, sharing one's pleasure is the natural thing to do even when betrothed.”

Jim paused, smiling at her. “Well, if _I_ had you, I definitely would not want to share.”

Neta looked puzzled, “That would be selfish.”

He tugged on his boots, “I suppose.”

She shook her head, exasperated, like one would do to someone young and stupid. “Off worlders are strange.”

“You have no idea,” Jim agreed, smoothening down his hair.

“I hope you plan to share your pleasure with others tonight.” Neta said, worried, “I will not be forgiven if I took the only pleasure you were allowed to give.”

Jim laughed in surprise, “I’m sure my pleasure is up for another round.” He waggled his eyebrows at Neta, who gave him a mock stern look.

“You’re actually serious, aren’t you.” Jim said, as he watched Neta walk to the door. “ You’re saying that as a Rigan, taking a second helping is rude?”

Neta nodded slowly, not offended by his questions.

“ What about your husband. Doesn’t he – uh – share your pleasure all the time?”

She smiled, “But he is my partner, that is different. We share a very different pleasure.”

“Oh, I see.” Jim could appreciate her line of thought, but didn’t think he would ever truly understand it. Neta seemed to sense that as well because she winked at him.

“Good bye, Jim Kirk. It was my honour to share with you. ”

“Thanks. It my was my honour as well,” Jim said, a little disappointed. He had been hoping to spend the entire night with her and now he had two choices – find someone else or go back to the ship. He reached for his PADD and contemplated calling Bones, but decided against it – he had promised after all.

Sighing, he exited the room, deciding to head back to the club; The night was young after all.  He toyed with the idea of finding Neta again and maybe saying yes to the threesome, but chickened out. He didn’t get mixed up with married people. Except he just had...

Grinning to himself, he made his way to the bar again.  He felt more relaxed than he had in ages, the muscles in his neck and back no longer as tight as they had been. He definitely needed to do this more often. He hopped on to the bar stool and flashed the bar keep a smile. The man sidled over, ignoring the waving of another customer. Jim wasn’t one to be overly conscious of his looks, but being good looking definitely had its advantages.

“An Altarian whiskey on the rocks, please,” he said.

The man behind the counter gave him a wink, “Coming right up!”

Jim turned to scan the dancing horde, resting on the counter to see if he could catch the eye of someone interesting. He decided to only go for it if he found a man this time. The barkeep tapped his shoulder to give him his drink and Jim scanned the crush of people, disappointed when all he could see were the usual kids in tight pants and sparkly tops; No one like Neta.

He sipped his drink, appreciating the slow burn of it as it travelled down his throat. The buzz from earlier returned in a pleasant crawl, making him feel hopeful. He spotted a tall, dark haired human- looking guy dancing at the fringe of the crowd. Unfortunately, the man was almost humping his partner, a short red head who was obviously on some kind of chemical by the way his eyes were rolling into his head. Hmm, Jim thought. It was worth a risk to see if he could get the brunette into bed. It had been a while since he had done the chasing.

He fought his way into the throng, swatting away a few straying hands and sidled closer to the couple. He had just started dancing and shifting to get in between them when his eye caught another tall, dark haired being. Only this one had pointy ears and was standing stock still as a multitude of people danced around him. Jim couldn’t help but gape in shock.

_Was that his First Officer?_

He suppressed his natural instinct to call out to his friend, choosing to watch instead; It was not every day he had the opportunity to observe Spock outside of a starfleet environment.  The Vulcan was dressed in a tight black t-shirt and trousers, which Jim suspected were Starfleet issued. Wanting to get a better look, he  sauntered over, suppressing a laugh as Spock dodged a woman who was trying to grind into him.

Jim looked around, trying to spot the person Spock had come with. His First wasn’t paying any attention to anyone in the vicinity, but was straining his neck over the crowd in the direction of the bar. Jim assumed that whoever it was that had dragged Spock - and it had to be dragged ( going by the unhappy eyebrow furrow) - to the club was probably getting drinks. The one time Jim had asked Spock to accompany him and the alpha shift on a pub crawl, Spock had pursed his lips and informed him that he found noisy, smelly places where beings only consumed alcohol and copulated, ‘distasteful and vulgar. 

Spock _really_ had to like his companion to agree to enter a place like this. Huh.

Maybe it was Uhura? No, Jim thought. She would never be so selfish; Something about overwhelming projection from too many inebriated people. The mischievous little boy in him made him sneak up behind his target, tapping Spock on the shoulder. The Vulcan whirred around and Jim was prepared with an innocent smile.

“Jim,” Spock said and Jim couldn’t suppress a thrill of pleasure to hear the surprise in the deep voice.

“Spock,” he drawled, making a show of looking his First up and down.  “Fancy seeing you here.”

It was a testament to how uncomfortable the Vulcan was that he didn’t make a comment on Jim’s phrasing.

“I am waiting for someone.” Spock explained, frowning as the lady from before tried to dance with him again.

Jim bodily cut her off and received a glare from her in return. He simply winked at her and curled a hand around Spock’s arm, “We could wait outside, if you like.”

From the way Spock concentrated on his lips as he spoke, Jim guessed he was lip reading rather than actually trying to hear above the din of the music. “My companion...” His First started.

“Will look for you outside.”

Spock nodded and the relief in his eyes was endearing . Jim towed the other man out of the club, breathing in the fresh air with a loud sigh. Wanting to sit, he spotted a bike a few feet away and walked towards it. He felt Spock follow him, and  wasn’t surprised when he turned around to lean on the bike to find his First standing close to him, hands behind his back in parade rest.

Spock  had positioned himself a little to the side, so they both could keep an eye out on the club entrance.

Jim threw a sidelong glance at him, “Didn’t take you for the club type.”

“I am not.”

The question ‘Then why are you here’ was burning a hole inside him, but Jim didn’t trust himself to say it casually.  They stood in silence for a few minutes, Spock turning every time the club door slid open. Then the words were out of his mouth before he could help himself,

“So then why are you here?”

Okay, so maybe Jim hadn’t meant to sound so aggressive, but obviously it was the alcohol’s fault, not the slimy feeling in his stomach whenever he thought of whoever this person was.

Spock regarded him with his usual deadpan expression ; Jim could swear he even seemed a little embarrassed.

“Dr Ketamintel wanted some recreation time after our meeting today. I decided to join him.”

Jim blinked, taken aback at the answer. Dr. Ketamintel, the scientist? And what the hell did 'recreation time' mean? If it were anyone else, he would have translated that into ‘sex.’ But Spock didn’t sleep with men, did he? Had he even dated anyone since Nyota?  

“So erm, you - er...”  Jim didn’t know how to complete the sentence.

“I am here to enjoy the company of one of the most brilliant minds in the galaxy,” Spock finished for him. The reproach in his voice meant he knew what Jim was thinking.

“Right,” he said , trying to sound indifferent. “Soo, a date, then?” He congratulated himself for finding an appropriate word.

Spock raised an eyebrow. “ Date, Captain?”

Now he was just being purposely obtuse! Jim scowled. “Yes, Spock, a _date_. A romantic-”

“Spock!”

Jim turned and caught site of a lean, brown haired man jogging towards them.  He looked  human, around forty, and was Jim’s height.  Leaner, but much paler; wearing stylish trousers and a very expensive looking brown blazer. Instantly Jim straightened up, recognizing him as the infamous Dr.  Ketamintel. Apparently ‘ _one of the most brilliant minds in the galaxy’_. He suppressed the urge to frown.

“Doctor,” Spock inclined his head, once the man had reached them.

“Larry, please. I think I’ve earned it”, the man said laughing.

Spock inclined his head, but didn’t comment and Jim felt the knot in his stomach loosen. He was absurdly glad that  he hadn’t replied with a ‘Larry’.

“Doctor, I would like you to meet my Captain, James Kirk.” Spock nodded towards Jim, and suddenly he found himself the focus of a pair of sharp hazel eyes. The overwhelming intensity of the Doctor’s gaze wasn’t rude, Jim realized, but just a symptom of the other man's intelligence.  

“Jim”, he corrected, taking Ketamintel’s hand in a firm grip.

The scientist grinned at him, “Oh ho! Hero  and humble too!”  

“Both words are a stretch,” he tried for a smirk, aware that it was rather half hearted. Off the ship, being reminded of his rank felt suffocating, like being back in that bar in Iowa with nothing else to do but pick fights.  

Ketamintel didn’t catch his reticence  and guffawed, “and funny!” he added. “ Usually military men are so _boring_. ”

Can’t disagree there, Jim thought, choosing to remain silent. Watching the scientist nudge Spock to include him in their joke, he suddenly wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Misinterpreting his expression, 'Larry' winked at him. “Oh, don’t worry, Captain. You and Spock are doing a _fine_ job of revising my opinion of Starfleet.”

Jim tried not raise an eyebrow at the blatant innuendo. In normal circumstances he would have been amused, but he was disappointed in himself when he realized he was the opposite.  The truth was that the thought of Spock and this guy together made him uneasy. Since when did Spock like men?  Were they having sex? Was that why Spock was not reacting when Ketamintel staggered to stand so close to him that their shoulders touched.  

_Had they already had sex?_

“Doctor,” Spock interrupted his thoughts.  “Perhaps we should let the Captain continue on his shore leave.”

Ketamintel shot a wide grin to his First, “ Are you sure, Spock?  The more t’ merrier, you know.”

 _Oh come on_.

“Er, I think I should be on my way..” Jim said, trying not to sound disapproving.  A large part of him did want to stay, just so he knew what exactly was going on between the two, but it was clear that Spock wanted him  to leave.  And even though it meant ignoring the huge pit in his stomach, he would. After all, hadn’t he just gotten rid of his space itch a little while ago?  Spock was allowed to do the same. 

“Nonsense!” Ketamintel declared. “ A few drinks can’t do a being any harm. Eh, Captain?”

“Well, I-” Jim tried to catch Spock’s eye, who was looking decidedly embarrassed.

The doctor was oblivious to his reticence. He stepped forward and leaned in close to Jim, curling his fingers on the bike handlebars in a clumsy attempt to box Jim in.  “Get me drunk enough, _Captain_ ,” he murmured into his ear, “ and I might even promise to mention you in the credits of my next paper.”

Jim tried not to wrinkle his nose at the wave of alcohol breath on his face. He straightened, annoyed at the physical proximity, and ran a hand through his hair. The motion forced Ketaminel to step back but didn't wipe the wide grin off his face. Jim cast a sidelong look at Spock, who had an unreadable, flat expression on his face as his eyes flicked back and forth between Jim and the scientist. 

Finally noticing the tension that had settled over them, the doctor patted Spock’s arm- almost absently - like he was trying to calm a nervous animal.

“Don’t worry. We won’t go to this club, it’s too noisy.  We could go to my place.”

“I am not worried, Doctor." Spock said, breaking his silence. "Vulcans do not-”

“ And I bet we can drink the Captain under the table!” Ketamintel  interrupted, giving Jim a wink .

Personally, Jim thought the scientist had had enough to drink already. It was obvious Spock knew that too, going by the exasperated tilt of his mouth.  Ketamintel was looking between the two of them, waiting for an answer and then Jim thought, what the hell. Why not.  Sure, he might be cock blocking his First, but so what? Spock had had two days already , and if in the bargain he got some drinking company too , then it was practically a steal. On top of which, for a science nerd, Ketamintel sure had guts flirting with his  partner’s boss right in front of him.  It was hard not to respond to such brazen behaviour. It reminded him of himself before Starfleet.

“Is that a challenge, Larry?” he said, deciding to give the man the benefit of the doubt. He couldn’t be all bad if Spock liked him, right?

“You bet it is!” 

His First visibly drew himself together,“ I would rather-”

“Don’t be like that, Spock!” Ketamintel interrupted  and Jim admired the man’s courage. Not everyone was immune to the Vulcan’s evil eye .

“Doctor, I fail to see how-”

He curled his fingers around Spock’s elbow like it was the most natural thing to do and Jim’s eyes widened.  While in ideal circumstances he should not care that another person was touching Spock so intimately, he couldn’t deny the previous unease returning with full force. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about his reaction.

“Don’t bail on me now Spock,” Ketamintel said, his octave a shade lower than it had been a second ago. Jim felt an uncomfortable tightness in his chest as Spock made no move to move the hand from where it was.  Okay, so these two had definitely had sex. How else could Spock’s next two words be explained?

“Very well,”  his first muttered. Jim raised his both his eyebrows at Spock, feeling a vindictive satisfaction when Spock looked away. While he knew the Vulcan was  a sucker when it came to Uhura, it was strange to see him so easily swayed by a relative stranger. He contemplated pulling his First away to lecture him about sleeping with drunkards. However Spock  seemed to take his companion’s behaviour in his stride, almost with resignation, Jim noticed.

“Shall we, Captain?” Spock said. 

Ketamintel answered instead, “Aye Aye, Commander!”

Jim made no comment as the scientist linked one arm with his, one with Spock’s , and  lead them to his home.

****

Ketamintel’s flat was not a cozy , isolated house that Jim assumed most genius scientists preferred, but a flat on the 100th floor of a high rise. The building rose from the surrounding ancient Rigan architecture like it had been transplanted directly from Earth and Jim tried not to wince at the poor taste.  The building oozed human arrogance, indifferent to the curves and ovals of typical Rigan design that were cast in shadow next to it.

They entered the foyer, and were greeted with a smile by a human concierge who ushered them to the elevator.  Jim glanced at Ketamintel, who was humming to himself.

“Do only humans live here?”

“Very astute, Captain!” he said, swaying into Jim. “The building was built by the McDougal’s for the human families in Riga fifty years ago. You know, to make them feel more at home. It’s now the most expensive piece of land on this planet. A few Rigan politicians stay here, though. The Federation can’t be called xenophobes, can they?”

“Nope, they can’t”, Jim said under his breath. He was beginning to feel apprehensive about agreeing to come. The alcohol in his system was all but gone, and all his sideways looks at Spock had slid off of the man, like Jim wasn’t even there. It made him more than a little irritated. Ketamintel didn’t seem to notice and once the lift opened into his apartment, he dragged them both bodily towards the bar in the corner.

“Here, sit, Captain.” He said, pushing Jim down onto a bar stool. “I’ll go freshen up.”

Spock offered to help but the scientist waved him off, swerving into the bedroom next to the bar with more grace than a drunk was allowed.  Jim almost wished Spock had gone, anything to avoid the now awkward silence that settled over the two of them. He rested his elbow on the semi circular mahagony  table and put his chin in his palm, looking sideways at the stiff black figure standing next to him.

“Aren’t you going to sit?” Jim said finally, gesturing to stool on his right. Spock raised that damned eyebrow at him, but did as he was told. He decided he did not like the automatic hesitancy that crept up in his First Officer. Realising he was now staring directly at his First’s face, Jim rotated his seat, contemplating the impressive range of bottles stacked up in rows inside the bar. Most of them were half gone.

“D’you want a drink?” Jim asked, because it seemed like Spock was intent on prolonging the silence.

“Do you?”

Jim decided that Spock was not trying to provoke him, “Yeah.”

Spock dipped his head and slid behind the bar, placing a glass in front of him. Jim didn’t comment on how well Spock knew his way around the place, though he was tempted. His First cut a dashing figure in all black, Jim noticed as Spock turned to survey the bottles; Even slightly dangerous. He probably had an easier time pulling Ketamintel than Jim had had with Neta. Spock stretched to reach a bottle and Jim took a moment to appreciate the view.  Of course, with the Vulcan bent over his science console most of the time, it wasn’t anything new, but Kirk believed in acknowledging aesthetic beauty, especially when it presented itself on a platter.  Realising his gaze was skidding past clinical appreciation into creepy territory, he looked away, taking in the impersonal apartment.  The only thing vaguely individual about it was the bookcase that dominated the living room and a computer console that rivalled the one they had on the bridge.

“Your drink, Captain.”

Jim swivelled around in his seat, curling his fingers around his drink. It looked like brandy. “Jim,” he said.  “We’re on shore leave, Spock.”

Spock didn’t respond and Kirk sighed. He took a sip of his drink and then glanced sharply at the Vulcan.

“This is bourbon. Earth bourbon.”

Spock nodded, the corners of his mouth twitching, “Indeed.”

Jim took another sip, wondering how the hell Spock knew it was his favourite. “ It tastes expensive.”

Spock tilted his head a degree, “Vintage organic.”

Jim took another mouthful, remembering to tell Bones about this. It would drive the other man insane with jealousy. Grinning, he downed the entire thing, earning an amused eyebrow from his friend. Jim shrugged.

“Shore leave!” he explained, setting the glass down with a small clink. “Thank you. Reminded me of home.”

“You are welcome, Jim.” Spock’s eyes seemed to soften and Jim smiled back, wondering whether he was crazy for thinking that those eyes were more expressive than some human ones he’d seen.  

“Spock!”

Jim started, blinking away from Spock’s intense gaze to see Ketamintel slide up next to him, leaning on the counter. “I need a drink,” he announced.  He glanced at Jim’s empty glass, “You started without me? I’m hurt, Cap-tain Kirk,” he said, lurching to stand straight and clutching his heart in parody. Jim laughed, reaching out to steady the man. He was starting to suspect that there had been a flask in the room.

“I’m sure I can make it up to you, Larry,” he said, berating himself when it came out sounding like a come on.  He really needed to check that bad habit of his.

Ketamintel grinned, slinking around him to stand behind the counter next to Spock.  “I’m sure you can!”

He fiddled with some controls on the wall and a vaguely familiar melody started up in the background.

“It is a Rigan folk song. I really love their music,” Ketamintel confessed, while he rummaged around the bar. Jim glanced at Spock who was eyeing the scientist warily. He was right to, Jim realised, when the man arranged three groups of shot glasses in front of them. Three for himself and Jim, and five for Spock.  Well, this is going to be an interesting night, Jim thought. Spock shook his head in disapproval. 

“Doctor, this is too-”

Ketamintel silenced him by thunking a metal cylinder on the table, eyes slightly glazed.  Jim started to wonder what exactly the man had consumed in the room.  He considered the innocuous looking container, waiting for an explanation.

“It’s not a chemical, don’t worry,” the scientist said quickly. “And no harmful effects to Humans or Vulcans.”

“It’s Klingon Tase, isn’t it?” Jim said in trepidation. He’d had it once before when he was a teenager.  It was illegal in the Federation, like most Klingon goods, and it gave you a high you were unlikely to forget. It was similar to when you mixed alcohol and painkillers, but not so fatal. A brilliant concoction, actually.

The doctor gave him an approving whump on the shoulder, “I’m proud of you, Kirk. Yes it is!  Will you do the honours?”

Jim took a deep breath, “ Three shots, huh?”

“Unless you think you can’t do it,” he teased.

Jim snuck a glance at his First, “I’ll only do it if Spock does.”

Ketamintel saw his ploy instantly and gave him a sultry smile. “Oh, brilliant move, Captain.”

Both of them turned to Spock, who was expressionless.

“I fail to see how this is necessary.”

“Come on, Spock. This is the first shore leave I’ve had with you, you know.”

“I am not stopping you from consuming the illegal substance, Captain.”

“Have you tried it before?” Jim asked.

Spock paused, “No.”

“Then you should. For the sake of science and all that.”

Ketamintel laughed. “Your Captain is right, Spock. Or are you going to disobey a direct order?”

Spock straightened, “We are not in uniform, and-”

“Spock’s disobeyed my orders plenty of times,” Jim provided, pouring out the thick violet  liquid into the shot glasses.

“I have merely delayed in carrying them out until the proper course of-” His First’s defence of himself was cut short by Ketamintel.

“Spock, when’s the next time we’re going to see each other?”

The Vulcan stilled and Jim suddenly felt like he was being left out of an important conversation as the two stared at each other. The battle of wills ended a few moments later and then Ketamintel was grinning again.  Spock looked away.

“That’s what I thought,” he said smugly, pushing the five shots closer to Spock.

“You have to teach me how to do that,” Jim said, trying not to sound envious.

Ketamintel gaze went from fuzzy to focussed in a second, giving him a shrewd smirk.

“Trust me, Captain. You already can.”

Before either of them could respond, he was raising a glass.

“Cheers! To staying alive for the next five years - at least!” he added.

Jim thought he looked sad, but repeated “Cheers,” sportingly and then downed the shots, laughing as Spock winced through his five.   

*

Twenty minutes later and Jim couldn’t give a fuck that he had collapsed onto the couch. Spock was carrying a giggling, almost comatose Ketamintel into the bedroom, and

He. Did. Not. Care.

Because man, the haze felt so good.

 

***


	7. 4.2.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock are excellent at talking about their feelings. lulz.

**Part 4.2.1**

 

Jim woke up with a lingering head ache, but no real hangover. Strangely, he also woke up in a sour mood but couldn’t remember why. He fast forwarded the evening, and frowned when he had a blurry recollection of Spock and the scientist disappearing into the bedroom.

Oh.

That explained his bad mood. Sighing, he sat up on the couch and carded his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know why the idea of Spock having casual sex affected him. It was hypocritical and unfair to the Vulcan, and he needed to get over it. Funny how his inner voice sounded so much like Bones.

“Good Morning, Captain.”

Jim startled, looking up. The Vulcan was standing behind the bar, which now resembled more of a kitchen, with utensils and jars of food lining the rows instead of bottles of booze. Jim remembered seeing an advertisement for one of these swivelling kitchens when he was a child. All he remembered was his mother tittering that it was only for the modern folk who  didn’t like eating real food; because real food took up space.  He had to smile at sight of the sombre man behind the counter, who was insisting on using titles even after Jim had seen him carry off his lover to the bedroom the previous night. Fine, Kirk thought, let Spock have his damnable distance.  

“Good Morning, Commander.”

Spock inclined his head, motioning to the bar stool with a tilt of head. “Would you like a morning beverage?”

Jim nodded, stretching his arms over his head and yawning. “What time is it?” he asked, slumping on the bar stool.

“Zero eight hundred hours, three minutes and fifty three seconds, ship standard time.”

“Mmm,” he mumbled, watching Spock prepare what smelled like coffee. His mood improved considerably.

It was only after a few sips of coffee, real coffee, Jim tasted appreciatively, that he realised that Spock was staring at him. In that stiff, awkward way when he wanted to say something that almost always involved ‘feelings’ or ‘emotions’.  Jim remained silent, content to eye his First over the rim of his mug. Finally the Vulcan seemed to pull himself together, his face devoid of even a crease. Here it comes, Jim thought.

“I want to apologise for the previous evening.”

Jim raised both eyebrows, “I should be the one who’s apologising.”

Spock blinked at him.

“I came in your way yesterday, " Jim explained. "I know you didn’t want me here.”

Spock pursed his lips a fraction. “The doctor can be unpredictable, I was merely trying to prevent something untoward.”

Jim tilted his head. “You’re not apologising for him, are you? Because you don’t need to. I’ve dealt with way worse drunks than that.”

There was a pause when Jim realized what he had said. “- I didn’t mean it like that,” he corrected quickly. He took a gulp of his coffee, wondering when he was going to stop putting his foot in his mouth.

Spock tilted his head. “You meant it exactly like that,” he stated. “There is no need to take back a presentation of fact.”

“Oh,” said Jim, feeling like a chastised child. “Well it’s just that , erm, you like him and, ah, I shouldn’t say stuff like that about someone you like. It’s not what friends do, that’s all.”

Spock now looked amused, “I am Vulcan, Jim. I do not take offense. Doctor Ketamintel has been suffering from substance addictions his entire life.  This is not new information to me.”

“So you’ve known him longer than this shore leave...”

“I would have thought that was obvious.”

Jim rolled his eyes.“Yeah well. You could have told me you wanted to visit a good friend, instead of making it seem like a business meeting.”

Spock sat down behind the counter, locking eyes with him. “If I had mentioned it, you would have insisted on meeting him.”

“I wouldn’t have _insisted,_ ” Jim muttered into his coffee cup.

“I thought it best to avoid a circumstance where the Doctor’s weakness was evident to outsiders. The organisations who are funding him do not have an infinite patience.”

Jim tried not to show his hurt at the word ‘outsider’ and instead gave his First a small smile. “How long have you, you know...” he gestured vaguely.

“I have known him for the past ten standard years. We were introduced at a warp core conference when I was Ensign.”

“Ten years...” Jim blurted.

“Indeed.”

“But that’s not what I meant. How long have you know, been ..err... in a romantic relationship with him.”

Spock raised an eyebrow, a reproach Jim knew, but he wasn’t close to caring. He wondered if Nyota knew.

“Never.”

It was Jim’s turn to raise an eyebrow, “You cannot expect me to believe that. I saw you carry him into the bedroom last night.”

“Jim, I do not engage in sexual relations with compromised beings. ”

Jim flushed. “I know! But you obviously –ah-” he cleared his throat. _Have fucked him? No, slept with him? Engaged in intercourse with him? Like him?_  He paused, hoping his First would help him out with the appropriate wording. But Spock gazed at him serenely, letting the awkward silence stretch. The bastard.

“Forget it,” Jim gave up, gulping down his coffee.

Then he replayed what Spock had said. _I do not engage in sexual relations with compromised beings_. Just what kind of sexual relations did he engage in then? He didn’t think Spock was a very casual sex kind of man.

“It’s just that-” he tried again, and then at Spock’s raised eyebrow , he ploughed on. Never let it be said that Jim Kirk was a coward.  “You’re denying ever being in a romantic relationship with Ketamintel and yet I _know_ you two have have had sex...” Jim trailed off.

“Humans are illogically fond of stating facts,” Spock deadpanned.

Jim narrowed his eyes, not in the mood for teasing. There was something about this revelation that bothered him. He had read  Vulcans were really serious about sex and he was slightly disappointed. Of all the stuck up rules that the Vulcans had, one that Jim admired was their sacred value of sex; You always knew where you stood with a Vulcan sexually. But not, apparently, with Spock. A part of Jim was warning him to stay silent, reminding him that  just last night he had been hoping that it was casual sex and now here he was, angry that it was exactly that. The conflict swayed both sides in his mind before Jim realised what riled him most.

He said, “ I just didn’t take you for the casual sex kind.”

“I did not know it mattered.” Spock's eye brows furrowed a millimeter. 

“It usually wouldn’t.”

There was a heavy silence which Jim refused to break, taking solace in his coffee.

“I fail to underst-”

“So do I,” Jim said, irritated by Spock’s inconsistency. “Is it a myth that Vulcans think sex is a big deal?”

Spock went still, “No, it is not.”

Jim pursed his lips, words forming easily now that he had pinpointed what was bothering him. “Just last week you told me that you can’t join the alpha crew for a beer because - and here I quote – ‘Vulcans do not engage in extended social contact’, and here you are doing something that Vulcans definitely do not ‘engage in’.”  

Jim knew he sounded bitter but he truly couldn’t shake the feeling that he was right. If Spock didn’t want to spend an evening with his colleagues, so be it, but hell if he was going to allow the man to hide behind the ‘Vulcan’ excuse.

“I am half human,” Spock said, his voice taut.

“Only when it’s convenient?” he shot back.

Spock lost all pretence of calm. He stood up to go, fingers gripping the counter and Jim wondered whether he should be scared that a furious Vulcan was looming over him.

“I’m not trying to make you angry,” Jim ran a hand through his hair, agitated.  “I’m just trying to understand you!”

“I think it is wise for you to leave, Captain.”

Jim winced. “I don’t disapprove of having casual sex, okay?”

“That would be hypocritical,” his first said coolly.

Jim let that slide, frustrated at the turn this conversation was taking. “I’m just saying that you need to figure out why exactly you do things.”

“Do not presume to lecture me,” Spock's voice was ice.

Jim’s frustration bloomed into anger. “Yeah well, I don’t appreciate being lied to! If you don’t feel like spending time with the crew, you tell me you don’t want to. Understand , Commander? Don’t give me bullshit about you being Vulcan. Because Spock, after last night, I’m starting to suspect that it is.”

Spock face turned deathly pale and Kirk tensed, ready to dodge a blow but instead the black eyes snapped away from his face and he started to walk away.

“Spock! Wait!”, Jim caught hold of his wrist, and was propelled out of his stool as Spock continued to storm off. He dug his heels in and refused to let go, “Spock, for god’s sake!”

The Vulcan turned, and Jim found himself staring into the furious gaze of his First Officer a foot away.

“Let go, Captain.”

Jim glanced down, where he was still clutching the other man’s wrist, and hastily let go. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I forget that I can be an asshole-”

“Do you take back what you said?”

Jim pursed his lips, refusing to be intimidated. “I admit the way I said it was not ideal...”

“But you meant it,” the words sounded like a growl in Spock’s voice.

Jim studied his friend’s face for a moment, “Are you telling me I was wrong?”

“You are overstepping your bounds, Captain.” Spock took a step back, suddenly aware of their proximity.

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose, cursing himself for starting this row. “Oh, believe me, Spock. I know.”

“Then if you will excuse me.” Spock turned and stalked off, leaving Jim alone and sleep rumpled in a stranger’s apartment.

 

****

 

Jim was still cursing Spock and himself when be beamed back to the ship. He barely acknowledged the Ensign who manned the console and strode right into sickbay. He bumped into Chapel, who gave him a bright smile,

“Doctor McCoy is not here, Captain.”

Jim rolled his eyes, “Where is he? His shore leaves’ over, isn’t it?”

“In his quarters,” Chapel said slowly.  

Jim nodded and then turned to leave, ignoring the woman’s “He’s probably sleeping!”.  He commed three times and  waited outside Bones' door for five minutes before punching in his over ride code and striding in.

He needed to talk about what happened with Spock.  Whichever way Jim saw it, he had screwed up badly and his First was unlikely to forgive him. Unless he took back what he said.

And therein lay the problem.

Jim was not going to take back what he said. The only reason Spock had been angry in the first place was because it hit too close to home.  He spotted the top of Bones head underneath the pile of blankets and felt a moment of regret for what he was going to do. He contemplated grabbing the blankets off of him but decided that that was too cruel. Instead, he sat on the edge of the bunk and peeled the top of the covers away to reveal his best friend’s drooling face. Probably hung over, Jim realised with a sigh.

“Bones,” he said softly, nudging him.

The Doctor grumbled  and turned , curling into himself.

“Bones!”

The man responded by grunting and trying to pull the covers over his face. 

“Wha?” came a mumble.

“Wake up, it’s important,” he nudged him harder.

“Jim?” The doctor opened his eyes, which were fuzzy and squinting.

“It’s your Captain. Wake up, will you?”

“Jim!” Bones shouted, scrambling to sit up, his hair askew. “What? What is it? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

Kirk suppressed a smile as the Doctor fell out of bed, looking around wildly.

“No, calm down,” he said, making a placating gesture with his hands.

Bones walked towards him, scrutinising him with  bleary eyes before his face twisted into a furious scowl.

“You! Are in my quarters!” he glared.

“It’s important”, Jim defended.

“How did you even-?  Actually, don’t  answer that. Jim, I swear,  you can’t just barge in here.  Suppose I had a woman with me? it’s not appropriate!”

Jim waited till the Doctor had spluttered out all his objections.

“I know, Bones.” He flopped down onto the bed. “But it’s just that I messed up, big time.”

“That’s _my_ bed.”

“You really need to stop quoting the obvious.”

“And you need to stop quoting the hobgoblin!” Bones punctuated the sentence by poking him in the chest.

Jim groaned at the mention of Spock, wanting nothing more than to bury his face in the pillows and go to sleep. Instead he sat up, leaned back on the headboard and sighed loudly, knowing Bones would translate his body language correctly.  

His CMO clenched his fists. “This little tantrum you’re throwing is about Spock?”

The high pitched way the Doctor said ‘Spock’, meant that Bones was getting angry again.

“We had a fight,” he mumbled.

“You had a fight with your hobgoblin and that justifies you breaking into my quarters?!” The Doctor’s voice starting rising again, “I can’t believe you! Get out!”

Jim frowned, “I don’t think he’s ever going to talk to me again.”

Bones scowl deepened, “You sound like a twelve year old! I don’t care about how often you bicker with Spock, figure it out yourself.”

“I basically implied that he’s Vulcan only when it’s convenient.”

The Doctor gaped at him, “You did what?”

Jim closed his eyes, and tried to rub away the impending headache, “Yup...”

“You _idiot_!” he said. Then, quieter, “ I’ll get us some coffee.”

 

**End Part Four.**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Reviews make me happy. Find me on Tumblr @ nanon.tumblr.com


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